God I so want to scream I don't F***ing care about how you feel sometimes. But, his feelings have blown my world apart.
The baby steps are really seeming huge this morning. I'm so glad I have all of you to turn to. Otherwise I would be alone in a pity pool.
I have to find the strength to DB. Its one of those days that I can only handle in 5 minute increments, I'm afraid.
(((KJ))), you're not alone, we're here. Imagine yourself inside a big bubble. His feelings are on the outside, yours are on the inside. His can't get through to you. When he's nice & soft, your bubble can be very close to your skin surface. When he's raging, your bubble can extend as large as you need to feel protected & insulated from his feelings. They are HIS, not YOURS. Okay ? (oh, & it's okay to go sit in the car, drive around the block & scream anything you want to).
Be gentle with you. Do something for you. Uplifting music, a good book, a walk, anything to clear your head & realize it's his junk, not yours. Clean out a closet, or hack a bush in the backyard.
The other night, I was struggling, huge, & the kitchen sink got clogged, bad. H wasn't home, darn it. I took the whole pipe assembly apart under the sink, & the clog went into the wall. Ugh ! 2 hours later, the sink was clean & clear, & my struggling emotions were gone. Get busy. Do something, anything.
hugs hugs hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
