Hey Phil, I like to look at those nights alone as me time. You can go out and be with folks, or you can simply sit home and enjoy the serenity of a quiet house. As parents we don't get a lot of that kind of time.
BS in Information Technology, but I have been doing it for 15 years so everything is sooooooooooo boring. I feel like I'm teaching the class, but I have to do all this work.
Quiet time, well that isn't going to happen tonight.
I would sometimes take my quiet time on the way home from work. Me time. You know just stop at a store. Or stop at the pub and have a beer. Take the long way home sometimes.
Then you get the third degree if you were 15 minutes later than you should have been. I lived with a tyrant. I'm starting to realise that now. It's always been about her, and now it's even more about her. I think its helping me detach.
Last night was a rough one thought. I kept waking up and thinking about her. I just clinched my rosary and said a prayer and I fall back to sleep.
This morning well all morning seem rough for me, like I'm in the funk of despair. Then in the afternoon things are better. Then I'll probally get anxiety before she drops the kids off, then I'll get anxiety when she picks them up.
Life isn't getting any easier for me either. I have had this attorney calling me from corporate trying to find data on three peoples computers. I provided her with the data but she can not open it. Then she asks me to look at the data and see if I can find a particular conversation. I said I'm not going to do that. Then she sucks me and I tell her I don't and can't find anything. Then she says well you might have to testify to that matter, because I can't rely on you telling me that information is there or isn't.
I was like look lady. I am trying to help you. I am the IS guy. I help everyone the best I can. Do not suck me down in your pit. I don't not have strength to deal with this, I'm dealing with a possible divorce and my wife just left me two months ago. Do not even try it.
I understand the sleep thing Phil. I didn't sleep much at the beginning either. To be honest, I don't sleep much now but it is not for the same reasons.
I used to take a sleep aid for a few months at the beginning because I was having a hard time functioning at work being so tired all the time. You do what you have to do to be rested and have energy.
Corporate attorneys are the best aren't they. I used to dread having to deal with them when I was with FedEx. They have their own agenda and don't really care what your morals and ethics say, it is all about what they want. Sounds familiar doesn't it....
They have their own agenda and don't really care what your morals and ethics say, it is all about what they want. Sounds familiar doesn't it.... Ian
Yes stop reminding me. In the beginning of all this my wife and I went and saw a priest. He said the believed that our situation was solvable, and he said I was making changes to solve it.
When we walked out of there and getting into the car she said well you heard everything you wanted to hear and said I'm still leaving.
Man this day just needs to get easier. Now the plotter is done on the map guy. Can't ping the card....... ug.... help?
Phil, when they make this decision religion is the last thing they want because it does not support what they are doing.
When my wife told me it was over, she had a bible laying on the bed and told me she had done a lot of searching and this was the direction that God was giving her. It's a crazy world they live in.....
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Now the plotter is done on the map guy. Can't ping the card....... ug.... help?
Yes, my wife said the same thing. I prayed to God for you to stop drinking. Now I have reached my breaking point and I believe God wants something different for me.
Rather than being mature and give me an ultimatum. Really I don't think it was the drinking either. I was a social drinker and she dind't like me having fun.
They are happy when you are miserable, and if you are happy they are miserable.
The whole drinking thing in my sitch is a bunch of crap anyway. I didn't want to give you an intervention because I was afraid you would walk out. Well what is she doing now. She says she did have people talk to me. Yes people that were drinking with me. She mentioned a friend and he was a drunk. How does a drunk talk to another drunk, you drink with them.
If she truely thought I was an alcholic and alcholism is a disease, whatever happened to sickness and health.
More bull crap... I went to Al anon to help you, but all it did was tick me off more because I was away from the kids. Al anon isn't for the drinker, it is for the one coping with the drinker.
She told her parents even if he quit driking right now and went and got help I still want a divorce.
All bull crap.... People will find any way to justify their actions.
You know what else didn't help. She complained so much to her parents about the drinking that they told her to leave and divorce me.
Really the drinking I practically stopped anyways I was focusing so much on school work.
However it is so funny when someone else is drunk, but you can't do it husband. Or I can hang out with my girlfriend that could drink you under the table, but you better not do it.
Wife even said after bomb, she didn't want to go see a counselor or a priest because she didn't want anybody changing her mind. If I would have came to her two months and said lets go see someone she would have went. She said she would have sat there and let it go in one ear and out the other, but she would have went.
You know I'm going to be alright... I'm sure with her afternoon off she went to the house multiple times, doing laundry and whatever else.
I must be still and stay in the calm.
(Map guy, plotter, can't ping the card... that is IT talk for the drafting guy can't print to the printer.)
I guess my cousin and I came up with that about them. Him and I would play ping pong at picnics, and they would just sit together and b at us. We were having fun and they didn't like it. Perhaps it is a little extreme saying they are happy when you are miserable, and vice versa. I think they are miserable were miserable and they wanted attention to them and not to ourselves and ping pong.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that they are unhappy with themselves and have been for a long time. When they see that we can have fun doing our own thing they wonder why they can't experience that joy. They are not happy with themselves. Then they get to the point where they think that we are their problem.
Even I will find a way to justify my actions. Have a little wine for the sickness in your stomachs. 1 Timothy 5:23
The laundy... It is a way of coming to her house and making sure things are still in order. It is a way of checking up on me testing me. Is she snooping while I'm there. Looking for that odd piece of hair, a broken fake nail, or other evidence that there is another woman in her domain. A domain that she left.
Is the ship still running without her being there?
She can come and do the laundry because it is also the kids laundry. Most of the kids clothes are there too because she hasn't taken the funiture from their rooms. She even brought a bag last night and said these of for here. They were pj's of my son.
Weird, bonkers, stuff... The kids didn't even get out of the car. She didn't have any laundry. She just wanted to drop a bag of clean ones off to me.
I don't know Jack. It's all very confusing. Does she want to hang on to her every word like a puppy dog and hear me say I love you. Does she want me to go in for the kiss on the check so that she can roll her eyes. Does she want the affection?
I don't know.... The other night she gave me the hug. She acted like a B and I didn't respond and left with son. Half hour later she is calling me being sweet and asking if I have oraljel. The pharmacy was still open, and it is closer to her house.
I don't know... I still don't know.... Then I think maybe she will snap out of it. Then boom she zaps back into the clouds.
Phil, if she is typical you will see a lot of in and out from behind her cloud. Just go with the flow and try not to let it get to you.
I wonder if the laundry thing even merits any talking about. Reality is it is more comfortable to do laundry there than to go to a laundrymat. It may be as simple as that.
I also believe that they are miserable, and that's that. Doesn't really matter where you are at when they look, they simply aren't happy.
I think the laundry thing is played out. If I say don't come here and do laundry. I get venom. I'll take the washer. I'll file for child support. I'll rake you over the coals. blah, blah, blah...
Man, now my cousin is really pushing the issue of moving in with me. His cheating walk away spouse came back again for the third time. He said he is done and now he wants to walk.
He has two kids. In all reality. I think I just got better myself. Last night quiet time was nice. I don't need four kids here, and his wife showing up. She is a venom spewer too. She is my wifes direct cousin. They are both the same age. Two kids and don't know what they want with there life, they just know they are not happy with us.
Interesting enough we both are in the same boat. Married young and our wives never got to sew thier oats in the twenty something stage.
I can't say no to him. It may be good to have someone here on some days. But I mean it is a privacy thing. I never had a room mate besides my wife.
Then there are other issues. When he would visit here with his girls he would never clean up after them. I just don't need a messy house and wife coming home with him in the house.
I mean in the past my wife asked to move in with him because he had a five bedroom house, and I told him he better not let her. The weird part was him and I talking daily after the bomb. I mean daily hours on end on the phone, and on chat. She also talked to him, and he always remained neutral. I would always say dude, pick a team. Then I even thought something was going on between the two.
Ok, and here is another thing. I was selling my truck and the person doesn't have the money so I let them use it. Now it has been over a month and they haven't made any progress.
I'm a doormat for society...
I have a walk away wife that comes and does as she pleases.
I have a cousin that wants to live here.
I have a person not paying for my truck, and they are just essentially borrowing it long term.
How did I get myself into this situation. Phil, Mr. Nice guy...
The other day at the store there was a lady in front of me holding up the line for 16 cents. I gave the girl at the counter a quarter. This lady said you never know where you blessings come from. I was thinking. It was 16 cents, and you were holding me up. Every second in my life counts right now. Didn't think someone would be so grateful for 16 cents.
Ah, it's the little things in life that matter. 16 cents made that little black womans day. Lending my truck my turn that persons life around. I don't see how letting my wifes cousin live here is going to help my sitch. Especially if his wife comes over here acting like an idiot.
