There's a line from a Carly Simon song "clouds in my coffee" that I always think of. Yes, I wasted 20 years of my life fantasizing about another man. It was just clouds in my coffee. But what's important is not that I did that. What's important is that I woke up (and smelled the coffee?) and discovered that I had love if I wanted it, with the man I married. I just had to learn how to not chafe at the proximity of another person. And there was a lot to learning that. But the next 20 years should be good. If we even still have that much.
