ME,ME,ME..............you're going to need a few case studies somewhere in the book right? My story would be great, it's got everything. It'll make you laugh, cry and leave them wondering what the heck is up with her. They'll be begging for more...or not!
How about, when you're writing a sequal to ONe Flew Over the Coukoo's Nest, you know where to find me. Maybe that would be a better fit.
You are 1 lucky guy. You woke up just in time to realize that you almost let a real treasure slip through your hands. Hopefully for our kids, all of these WAW's will understand that all we really have is our family.
The best advice I can give you is to go in for some radical honesty. Clear air is the best gift you can give to yourself and W, and the best chance to have an amazing new M, because that is what you are building now. Make it what you want.
(1) Tell Sally all your deep dark secrets, even the ones you think she can't stand. She will stand them, she might be hurt or angry, but she can stand them. The fallout now is far worth the clear air in the future. Don't let the secrets taint your new start, and don't fool yourself, they will. This is a magic point in time for both of you — honesty and forgiveness will build intimacy and make space for a clean shiny new future. Reclaim your best self.
(2) Ask Sally to share her deep dark secrets.
(3) Tell Sally what you were getting from OW that you weren't getting from her.
(4) Make sex radically authentic and honest. Tell her what you want. Work with her to figure out what she wants.
(5) Have a clear action plan shared between the two of you for the next time you want to self-medicate with some sort of infidelity. For instance, you need to be able to communicate this to Sally, "Sally, I'm really freaked out, I started fixating on OW today/wanting to hit on chick at bar/whatever... I know this is a symptom of something bothering me in my life and probably in our R, but I'm not sure what it is..."
(6) Read Five Love Languages.
(7) Accept that Sally has a LOT of healing and forgiving to do. As she feels safer, her anger may come out more, and it will probably last longer than you would like it to. Recognize that her anger is actually a sign of increased trust and intimacy — without those, she would hide it from you. When she is angry, what she wants is honesty and reassurance. Reassurance. Reassurance — of your love for her and her desirability.
(8) Have a lot of great sex. Push Sally's boundaries, but don't break them.
(9) Be an open book — totally transparent. Share your activities without being prompted. If you are going to be late, let her know, don't let her wonder.
(10) Watch out for old patterns that you don't like. When you start feeling the old weight of the old M when you and Sally are doing an old dance, point it out, "Ugghh, Sally, we used to do this all the time. I really don't like it. Can we try something different?"
bethie, seriously, you make me laugh, too. (and yes, he is lucky, isn't he?)
thanks for the input ot. we are definitely doing well on all counts. h is definitely very open. but its still okay if I draw a line here or there as to what I want/need to know. the rest of it, though, is well in hand, I'm happy to say.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
just a quick check in. things are still going well. h had a bit of a mini-bomb last week when ow texted/called him. my guess is she found out we are back together (he did tell her when she called, but I think she already knew), but whatever. she was pretty harsh to him (gee, apparently getting back together with your WIFE is a real hit to the ow) but I think he is doing a good job dealing with it/processing it.
I must say its refreshing to have him be as open and honest as he has been to me since we started piecing. amazing, considering where we were a year ago.
we had a great 4th of july...went for a whale watch then headed up to the white mountains for the weekend. as we sat there all together as a family watching the fireworks up in north conway I couldn't help but really wonder at how much has changed for us...last year I'm sure he couldn't imagine us being together this year for it, and to be honest at that point I don't know that I did, either. it was really nice.
this weekend we are off to hershey with the kids. our first time there...should be fun! some friends of h live there so we are staying with them. I know h is looking forward to spending time with his buddy. me? I'm packing tylenol to offset both the alcohol that will likely be involved, as well as to combat the over abundance of wedding crasher quotes I will be subjected to.
hope everyone is doing well!
Last edited by SallyM; 07/10/0804:54 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Hey s, have fun this weekend. I love hershey, PA.... the park there is very unique and your kids will love it.
There is a hotel right there named The Hotel Hershey that has an incredible restaurant in it that you and your H would love and the kids as well. Almost every dish has Chocolate in it in some form or another at the restaurant there. Here's the link.
Awwwwwwwwwww North Conway, Old man of the mountain, Crawford Notch, Castle in the clouds, and the Christmas thingie, good times. Skiing was always kearsage or Sugarloaf in Vermont. Did you get to shop? I might have to take a least one day while I'm there now that you've made me take this trip down memory lane.
Oh and Hershey, don't get me started. I love chocolate but not in with my shrimp. Make sure you take the tour. They give out free chocolate.
I have to tell you that I am amazed that you H has come through his little crisis so quickly, but hey if they're gonna do it that's how we like it right? Most times when the spouse comes back it's not unusual to hear of a period of adjustment. They seem to have mood swings and still like to keep their business close to their chest, but your H is a model and probably should have a study done on him. I really am happy for you cause it couldn't happen to a nicer person!
Fantastic. It is so wonderful to see where you are now, given where you were a year ago. You're such a wonderful person, and you deserve every opportunity to make something good of this and to find the joy you so deserve.
M...I am glad that you checked in, and that your h is still hard at work. I keep you and the littles in my thoughts often, and how strong you were, even with twins underfoot!
I noticed a mention of Aug 2nd...? What's doing?
Enjoy your summer and family outings--they sound wonderful!!
Hi Sally - if you're still out there - How are you?? Hope things are still going well!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
