Hi I think you are aggravating the situation. So he didn't call you when you were at friends? You had multiple calls from S who knows your H isn't just trying to play it cool and letting S call so it seems he is not going crazy.
You can't read into him not calling on the 4th of July??? It's not like Christmas or Chanukah or New Years for sakes.
I think you are focusing again on the small picture,,,him calling NOW instead of staying sweet for when he is ready to contact you. He's probably testing you to see if he would get a nasty reaction.
Tink - where have you been??? You are again right on. H actually did call yesterday and I was very nice and upbeat, sounded happy to hear from him, not angry that he hadn't called before. It was a good conversation, about the orientation for S and then he started talking about this coming weekend (which is his weekend with kids) and how he wanted to go to his HS reunion 2.5hours away. Now, mind you, he has had no contact with anyone from his HS for probably 22 years. It really irks me - and of course I'm thinking he is going to try to hook up with someone. Plus, it means he won't see D again for another weekend. I just said that of course it was not a problem, I would change my plans and have the kids with me. Inside I was screaming - but I did really well!! I am very angry that he, all of a sudden, has this need to go back to hang out with people he doesn't even know and obviously didn't care enough about to maintain a friendship. I'm angry that he takes all this time and money for what I think is so ridiculous while I can't afford to go to my HS reunion and the only reason I am going to my dad's family reunion is because he really wants me to and is paying for it. How pathetic is that, that at 48 years old, I still can't pay for myself! And I always come back to the fact that this wouldn't be this way if we were together. Just my vent - I did so well with him and I really do believe you are right that he was pretty sure he would get a nasty reaction and he even said he was surprised by my by the way I answered the call. I need to get going on a project or I'm going to go crazy!!
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
I just said that of course it was not a problem, I would change my plans and have the kids with me. Inside I was screaming - but I did really well!!
Good girl!!!
Just let it go, men need to feel free like they are not dictated by their wife and on a short leash. So it's a high school reunion, he could just be curious doesn't mean anything. Try and trust him.
As for your HS reunion that has nothing to do with his ans what he wants to and is doing. Your HS reunion and your money issues and whatever are not connected to this. Don't begrudge him because he can do something you can't.
My computer is still down so I'm still on a timed one at the library (46 minutes per day, then it shuts off )
Keep it up you're doing great!
Tink PS I'm glad you got the book when I mention it it is being deleted on posts as advertising but it helped me. I mention whatever books and boards help me and don't understand why it gets deleted and can prevent someone from getting help. I mention this book and board on the other sites and no one there has had a problem with it. Imagine if you never got the name of the book and board from me. Oh well.
Rusty, I'm sorry you've been having such a tough time. One thing, detaching from your situation, or from your husband, means not having expectations of how he should be feeling, or behaving. You are building your own life, with or without him, and to continue to be angry with him because he didn't do this, or he didn't call when you wanted him to, is not detachment.
Being friendly and open is for YOU. It's less aggravating in the long run, keeps you from saying things you regret, leaves the door open for a new relationship with your husband.
I understand being jealous of your H's ability to do some things. I"ve been jealous of my H's trips, or things he plans with the kids. It doesn't feel good.
That's why you need to detach from H. And the best way to detach is to take the focus off of what he might be doing and how you think he should be acting, and put it squarely back on what you are going to do with the rest of your life. Or maybe just the next two days!
Hugs! Hang in there
Married: 25 years Separated: 5 years Kids: 2, ages 21 and 24 Me: 53 H: 50
Thanks - Do you get tired of drilling the same thing in my head? Tink - I saw the edit on your post and I thanked God that I did get the info before the edit. I have since sent the book on to my DIL for her to read, it was a great gift to me and I really appreciate it. It's funny, but after my phone conversation with my H, and I behaved so well and was very proud of myself, I vented to a friend and felt so much better. Still really believe what I believe, but at least I got it out to someone not involved and didn't spew all my venom on H. I know he heard it and was both surprised and pleased. I'm doing much better today - have planned another project or two to work on - fundraisers - so I am going to focus on making those extremely successful and GAL!!!!
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
MP53 - is your thread over - did you move to a new one?
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
The money thing keeps getting in the way of my DBing and I'm not sure how to handle it. Right now, because I am unemployed (looking and doing some projects until I find something), my H is giving me enough money to cover all of my and the kids living expenses. Due to wedding expenses (S-24), HS graduation (S-18), D's birthday, and S-22 needing some extra money, I have been really running short and starting to fall behind in some of my bills. I periodically ask H for more money each week and it is becoming almost every week. Yesterday I asked him for more due to the above expenses and he said (which he has said before) -well we need to talk about this. I always say - "I'm happy to talk about this if you have some sort of solution to talk about because I don't have one until I find a job". He always gets mad and just says "I can't keep doing this" to which I simply say "yes you can". I know if is kind of flip, but he is paying himself enough at "our" company to cover what he gives me plus some for him and my dad almost completely financed this venture - so I don't feel he has any right to try to cut me out. I try not to get angry, and I have done pretty well, but my last line is always a bit snippy. I also feel angry and frustrated that we would have no money issues if we were still living together. I called him back after about an hour and told him how I felt about the situation, that I feel worthless and unwanted because I can't find a job and also by him. That I was trying but I couldn't force someone to hire me. He said he understood, and that "whether we are together or not" we have always been good a finding solutions and he wanted to talk with me about alot of things when he gets back from the HS reunion. Said he had a reason for wanting to go and it wasn't what I thought (hooking up), but for confronting some of his childhood issues. (??) What are your thoughts about this conversation and how should I handle this convo on Sunday?
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
I have the same issue with my ex. I have this issue because I didn't get the money situation handled by the court and a judge. I am thinking about taking him to court but it could also possibly backfire and they'll say he should be giving me less. We have been divorced for 12 years.
It's funny, but after my phone conversation with my H, and I behaved so well and was very proud of myself, I vented to a friend and felt so much better. Still really believe what I believe, but at least I got it out to someone not involved and didn't spew all my venom on H.
Hi exactly. It's good to vent to another woman, especially one who is supportive of your R and not just taking your side.
I have some issues going on with my F right now but am hesitant to post on here because last time everyone ganged up and said I should leave him. And even tried to guilt me into it when I replied that I'm here to improve the R, not end it.
