H is quite distant, and seems to be really mulling his decision. I've told him to take as much time as he needs and I'm being so fricken cheery it's disgusting. I've been trying to treat him as though nothing is wrong, including touching and kissing him if the spirit moves me. I'm in the 'up' part of my cycle, so have been very into sex the last couple of nights. He probably thinks it's part of my plan to lure him back - do I continue to let him think this, or somehow let him know that at this point, it doesn't have much to do with him ? I think if an opportunity comes up to do it casually, I will.
No response to my email. Slightly disappointed, but not as much as if I hadn't been reminding myself not to expect anything.
Trying to let go. He'll decide what he decides, all I can do is show him what he'll be walking away from.
It occured to me this morning that I have never acknowledged his accomplishments at work. He is in a field that tends to chew people up a bit, and he's been hanging in for over 10 years, and recently has started to real results and is doing quite well. It would be a big 180 for me to get him a present or something, and again it's something that I wish I had done before - makes me sad that I missed chances to show him that he's appreciated - and that I could carry as a priority into the future, continuing to show him that he's appreciated. It's possible that he will think it's manipulative, though, rather than something I'm adding to my list of changes I'd like to see in me. I don't acknowledge the milestones and achievements of others in ways they would probably like and I would like to learn to reach out in this way. If I try to explain all that to him, it will get much too heavy though.
I have been starting to backslide a bit in the last few months, into behaviours that I'm not pleased with, and I can't blame my H for thinking that I'm only on my 'best behaviour' when he's got one foot out the door. I'd love it if he could let me know when my behaviour is triggering things for him in a less dramatic way.
I really need someone to tell me that this is normal and that I shouldn't panic, that by going back to what was working and being really patient, I'll eventually get my guy back again. And I have to find a way to calm down, because if the panic wins, I'll keep doing things like sending that email yesterday. And buying presents, which will probably not be appreciated right now.
Okay, maybe I'll just find a time to congratulate him on how well he's doing and how far he's come, point out his persistence. Hopefully without trying to point out that he could be applying that persistence to our M. Maybe he'll make that connection on his own.
? I think if an opportunity comes up to do it casually, I will.