Fg drivn 2 work and had an epiphany...or at least I think! Will let him do what he feels is best and respect that decision as he is the one who has 2 maintance pool a pool is materialistic; it can be replaced. He can not. If he at this point doesn't want it who really cares.... And ) shudI I don't live there and I don't get 2 use it...so why shud I care what he wants 2 do with it! Just my morning thoughts!!
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
"right now the chocolate you've chosen is a nut case"
I have been one before also.. so there is hope in that.
"me picking up pieces..."
You are not picking up pieces with the pool.
"i do not want to hurt his ego by saying i looked stuff up on the net stating you do not have to buy a new liner or new pump...it just needs a really good cleaning...i don't think that will fly too well....net also had other suggestions...back to rock and hard place....still thinking....reeling it over in my brain...why is he asking me now?"
It was a response to our test. Maybe you should just suggest some one come out and give you a professional opinion.
Have a good day at work!
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
forrest,forrest...come out, come out, where ever you are!! Hope the work thing went well!
Pool...well...24-48-13days to decide depending on which clock we are running by!!!
i'm running hypothetical sitch's in my brain...they all end with i've gotta go pee...sorry gonna have to finish this chat later!! or sorry i feel like i'm gonna vomit, or have explosive diarrhea!!! LOL...sorry that one is the nurse in me coming out!!!! doubt he would object!
will continue to think/stew about it! this is the only thing in my life i'm ocd about...could care less about anything....strangely bazaar!
good night FG
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
Its no ditzyness.. it just shows the "Emotion" that you still have tied to this situation you have.
Sorry I was not around much yesterday.. Tues and Thurs are the days I have "Free" time and with everyone being at work yesterday.. I don't even think I sat down in my office. I can read and post from my phone but I try to limit my posting from there because.. sometimes I miss stuff.
Flight, Fight, Fear are the responses to a situation that's not comfortable. Your Fear comes out as "uncertainty". It is a natural reaction to someones action. Something happens.. you kinda clamp up.
The pool while not really being the issue.. has become part of the issue. You just need to find a happy medium for you.. and what you want to do. Don't worry about the outcome.. just make a decision you can live with.. we can work out the other stuff once that is done.
One thing I want to point out.. you two had this "drama".. but you never said he told you to stop texting. So I gotta assume he didn't.
Lets make a decision with the pool.. and what to do with it. Then we will go from there. Make sure.. you can live with the outcome.
Good Morning
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
good morning forrest, i missed our chats yesterday..sorry work was busy!
Pool: you and I know our "secret" so I would not like to "bulldoze" the pool, I would like to come up with a mutual agreement to remedy the situation...without leading on to the "secret"!! a decision I can live with, that won't lead him to think this is going to be tough...i can recommend a pool company come out and check it out, no problem and have them close, and tell him, we will worry about it later...outcome of that i feel could become dramatic; i tell him to do what he feels is best and i respect whatever decision he chooses to make, then later down the road when things work out (i'm a postive girl) i have to buy another pool....that sucks arss...
he is testing me isn't he?
"the pool while really not being the issue..has become part of the issue" me texting him, he started to feel comfortable, he called, it wasn't the "real" issue....it was a starting place.... a subject starter...would he have went "there" had I not screwed it up...or would it just stayed a casual chat?
no he never said stop texting me, or leave me alone
the pool:need to fix the pool....how without him knowing our "secret" that is the question!
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
"Pool: you and I know our "secret" so I would not like to "bulldoze" the pool, I would like to come up with a mutual agreement to remedy the situation...without leading on to the "secret"!! a decision I can live with, that won't lead him to think this is going to be tough...i can recommend a pool company come out and check it out, no problem and have them close, and tell him, we will worry about it later...outcome of that i feel could become dramatic; i tell him to do what he feels is best and i respect whatever decision he chooses to make, then later down the road when things work out (i'm a postive girl) i have to buy another pool....that sucks arss..."
Nobody said life was easy.. or would not have some "Drama". If you tear it down and then have to buy another pool.. it might bring some resentment from you. If you have someone check it and give you a honest idea of how much work it is.. he might resent you because he thinks he is right. #1.. you two are still married even though you are not "living" a married life. You have to meet in the middle somewhere. I am fine with whatever you want to do.. you are the only one I can hear from.. so I can make a case for either situation. Still you have to make the decision..
"me texting him, he started to feel comfortable, he called, it wasn't the "real" issue....it was a starting place.... a subject starter...would he have went "there" had I not screwed it up...or would it just stayed a casual chat?"
Maybe it would have been casual. The problem is he is still hurting from the WA. He still has some issues from that. They are his.. and he will have to figure out what to do with them. I suspect he was seeing the txt's and going.. "Why Now?" I told you guys like "Face to Face". So he called to see whats up.
"need to fix the pool....how without him knowing our "secret" that is the question!"
Tell him you called the pool guy.. and he said he really needed to look at it to give the best assessment of what to do with it. You would hate to tear the pool down.. just in case he (your H) ever felt like he wanted to take up swimming. But if the pool guy says it is hopeless.. then you are open to tearing it down. You are willing to help with the cost.. for whatever needs to be done. You don't want it to be solely his problem.
Anything untruthful there?
So.. what happens when/if you guys get D. Do you already have the property/money split up. I am sure you told me this.. but I forgot.
"no he never said stop texting me, or leave me alone"
If you were really mad.. or done with someone.. wouldn't you make sure they heard it?
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
FG, nothing has been split...papers are filed, i asked for everything i paid for with my inheritance...i was angry...the day i went to the atty...i was angry...now, i don't know....all i want is my marriage...
he told me at least 3 or 4 times last year he was willing to work on this...last fall he said he wanted D, called me 3 days later, said he changed his mind... i wonder where he really is??
"Tell him you called the pool guy.. and he said he really needed to look at it to give the best assessment of what to do with it. You would hate to tear the pool down.. just in case he (your H) ever felt like he wanted to take up swimming. But if the pool guy says it is hopeless.. then you are open to tearing it down. You are willing to help with the cost.. for whatever needs to be done. You don't want it to be solely his problem."
I like this idea...will text it to him later...
how much time to let him decompress....i feel he may need some decompression time...not much 2 week rule is not in effect here...but some.
"If you were really mad.. or done with someone.. wouldn't you make sure they heard it?"
if he said it once, he said it fifty times...he and i will never be...but he didn't come out and say, stop texting, stop calling...leave me the hell alone....what do you think? need manput on that one!
off to the shrink...let's see how crazy i really am!!! LOL
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
