I'm afraid to love him

[KenF]

Good Morning All.
Two days of posting here and I'd be priveleged if you'd let me call you friends.

Smartcookie, I've written those type letters in my head many many times. In my case, my father was very domineering, frustrated in his own marraige, verbally abusive and would use his screaming at us as a way to make himself feel better. Each morning was a challenge to walk down the stairs and have to accept his anger for an hour or so, only to watch him walk away whistling because he unburdened himself on me. His own divorce and a stroke finally changed him, but after all those years of being beaten down I was too far gone.

In this case, my advice would be to take the road that best serves you and your emotional health, dont say anything that could cause you pain in the future. Write the hateful letter, as long as you can, and mail it to yourself, when it arrives, throw it away without opening it.

For the real letter I'd say: "I understand your need to try to make amends and unburden your guilt. But this is for you, you must do it on your own. Please do not try to involve me, you are not welcome."


and you are absolutely right, i think the sobbing session was helpful for her, yesterday was a very nice day. a couple of long conversations where i worked my butt off to validate, show complete attention, DB, etc. Today I'm hopeful but realize that it was only one good day in a row, theres so much in her i dont see yet. Had my first DB coaching session last night which was also helpful.

Have a wonderful day everyone, you deserve it. As black as it gets, you have so many friends here pulling for you.