OK. Now, that's a step in the right direction. You stopped bringing up R talk and the two of you are getting along better.
You will need to be strong here because the next time you see or hear something that rips your heart out, you will want to talk about the R.
In Michelle's book, she wrote that in a situation like this, all of the things being done to save the R focus the attention on that person and demand the wayward spouse's attention. Pretty soon, the wayward spouse is fed up with the other always focusing the attention on themselves. On top of that, the wayward spouse probably wouldn't believe you if you said that it was sunny outside. They certainly aren't going to receive any wisdom from you about their choices.
What happens when you back off? Then, you aren't judging them. You remove the spotlight from you and they aren't continually in a position of having to defend themselves and what they've chosen to do. Pretty soon, any guilty feelings or feelings of insecurity and doubt aren't because of something that you said or did, they are self-generated and they have a much better chance of evoking change in that person.
Come on Buster, for all of us to one degree, the harder that someone pushes us to do something, the harder we will resist. Your R is the exact same way. The harder you push your W to leave him and stay with you, the more she will justify and resist even in the face of reasons why she shouldn't.
