Looking for support from other WAS's

[lost3031]

Lodo, I can relate to all of this. I have literally made myself sick (i.e. vomiting) with anxiety in the past. I had never really thought about things in the way that you phrased it: "You want to be a certain way, but these primal reactions well up inside you and overwhelm your rational capacities."

I think that's exactly how I feel. I think a part of me wants to be able to go back to the way things were - even if they weren't perfect, at least it was comfortable and safe. But then I think about how good I have felt on my own, making my own friends, paying my own rent - despite everything, there is such a sense of accomplishment for me to be able to make it on my own simply because I never have been on my own before. And then I feel guilty for feeling good about a life without H because I still love him...

I guess I wish that I could still be the person that he thought I was (the "perfect" wife) but in truth, I never was that person. I don't want to be put up on that pedestal anymore - I just want to be me. And when I'm around him, I feel like I can't be me because he doesn't know that me. It's kind of hard to explain, but I think you get the gist of it...

Thanks for your continued support, Lodo! This site is great!