Bridgestone, I felt like I could have been reading my own post when I read yours! Yes, I guess a big part of me is scared that H will just change his behaviors (once again) on a temporary basis just to get me to come home. It's happened before (too many times to count) - the only difference is that this is the first time I actually left. Like you, I am completely comfortable if we keep things light, like hanging out together with our niece and nephews or going out to dinner or engaging in casual conversation. It's when he starts pressuring me to give him a definitive answer about our future, asking me to come home, give him a timeline of when things might be sorted out... that's when I go into near panic-attack mode. I don't want him to think that I'm avoiding the important issues - it's just that I'm not there yet. I've tried to tell him this, but he is so impatient!
His making an effort to find time for me is a good thing - the biggest reason I have gotten to this place is that he was never around during our marriage and I felt like I was in it alone. When I say "sudden presence," I am more or less referring to the fact that seemingly out of the blue (after 4 months of not wanting to see me) he is now wanting to see me 3-4 times per week. I guess it just seems a little overwhelming right now...
It's good to know that I'm not abnormal in feeling like this. Thanks for responding, Bridgestone!
Me (WAW) 30 H (LBS) 31 T since 6/10/1994 M 8/8/98 No kids S 3/10/08 D filed 6/9/08; put on hold 7/14/08 D finalized 10/13/08
Yes, I guess a big part of me is scared that H will just change his behaviors (once again) on a temporary basis just to get me to come home. It's happened before (too many times to count) - the only difference is that this is the first time I actually left. Like you, I am completely comfortable if we keep things light, like hanging out together with our niece and nephews or going out to dinner or engaging in casual conversation. It's when he starts pressuring me to give him a definitive answer about our future, asking me to come home, give him a timeline of when things might be sorted out... that's when I go into near panic-attack mode. I don't want him to think that I'm avoiding the important issues - it's just that I'm not there yet. I've tried to tell him this, but he is so impatient! 