Greg, Jen - thanks for posting Had a great night last night - took my daughter to an open mic night. No, she didn't perform - but she is ready to start performing her songs, so we went so she could observe what it is like and she could check out the venue. She's really excited now and can't wait to go back and get up onstage and perform her songs. (My D12 is an amazingly precocious songwriter and lyricist.) Everybody there was very friendly, seemed like a nice scene and several of the performers were very talented. Hopefully in a week or two she will be able to perform there too.
Hi all - seems I've been posting everywhere but on my own thread lately. Had a nice interlude with my H last night - sitting after dinner and talking a little bit about the R. He seems to have really understood the role this last episode of depression has had on his perceptions. I think the prozac is kicking in already as he seems much less irritable. He has been so good lately about reassuring me and giving me positive affirmations. I hope I am doing as good a job of meeting his needs.
I talked a little about the bb, and wondered how many WAS's are suffering from clinical depression - I suspect a large percentage. They feel so awful, and there are problems in this R (as most R's have) and in looking for an explanation, it seems logical to them at the time that YOU must be the cause of their pain and discomfort. Because of their depression, they see only the negatives and not the positives - leading to the "rewriting of history" which happens so often. The surge of brain chemicals they get with the infatuation in the affair gives them some temporary relief from their depression symptoms - so they think that's the issue, that they are "in love" with the OP and not with you.
I think maybe this is why so many WAS's come home, contrite and remorseful, swearing their love - and then leave the next week and go back to the OP. I never could figure this out - but I suspect it happens because their depression is so unbearable, and if they are returning to the same home, nothing really that different, same routine - plus the guilt and shame of the affair - well, there is nothing to stimulate those brain chemicals they are so in need of, and their depression worsens.
I thank god that my H was willing to go on antidepressants in the first place, and willing to try them again when his mood started to deteriorate. He is really such a great guy.
Quoting kml: I talked a little about the bb, and wondered how many WAS's are suffering from clinical depression - I suspect a large percentage. Ellie
I would guess a lot. I have had a very difficult time with depression, not recently but in the past. It does cloud your views on things. Of course, stuff happening in the persons life can help trigger the depression too - so it goes hand in hand. But it doesn't have to be a big something, nor necessarily the fault of the spouse/SO.
I completely agree with your assessment. And, it still angers me that it's so hard to convince anyone else (i.e. health professionals, relatives, friends) that something may be wrong, other than the Spouse is a terrible person.
It's just so accepted in society that most don't even bat an eye when a H or W of 10, 20 or more years suddenly wants to end the marriage because "they've been unhappy for years" Get real.
It took almost a year for any counselor or doctor to even suggest to my W that MAYBE there was another problem here.
And of course, the treatment plan seems kind of hit or miss at best...but that's another story.
Heh, MC and meds! I'm sure it would help a lot. I was on Zoloft for a while and weaned off of it very slowly. Even doing it slowly, I still had side effects.
I have no doubt that Zoloft saved my life and my sanity. But I'm going to do all I can to never go back on it!
Hi All - Just being a busy bee here at home. Week 7 of the Body for Life program. Although the weight is not peeling off quite as I had hoped, I have lost a few pounds and started to move off the plateau I was stuck on for so long. My arms look fabulous and I'm starting to get some nice definition in my abs. I guess focusing on the baby steps is important here, too!
Gotta run - bills to pay today, then the hairdresser's.
Wow -- you are really onto something with your assessment about depression. Yes, yes, yes. I certainly saw that cycle with my own depressive thinking.
Thanks for your post to me about this. I have seen some breakthroughs with The Wart lately -- he's admitting he's depressed. He just doesn't know much about what that means, or what you can do about it.
I gotta go slowly with advice, he's recoiled from me for a long time -- don't wanna trigger that again.
But when the moment's been right, I have been able to share with him the things I DID to overcome "the blues" -- searching and rejecting till I found a GOOD C, going on anti-depressants instead of letting the despair engulf me, and bibliotherapy.
My H has been listening and nodding -- pretty amazing.
Can I just dose him with my leftover Prozac?
Time and patience and timing and more patience, right?
Glad things are going well with you. Coming to SF this month? Wanna see those awesome arms of yours!
I tend to agree with your assessment of the link between WAS behavior and depression. I'm glad your H has sought treatment and appears to be making progress.
And it seems like your R is progressing as well.
Keep flexin' those muscles - literally and figuratively!
