I don't really keep it in my head, except for the children one. He still tries to blame me for the kids confusion on the divorce process taking so long (5 months so far??), but I'm more aware now. Each interaction teaches me something more. It's a learning curve.
One thing I do is listen to my BS meter. If I start feeling uneasy.. then something's there.
Had a good IC session...she actually made me laugh out loud. I related to her that H told me last night that he had wasted 15 prime years of his life (largely about our lousy sex life...) and C bristled and said "he said that...I'd like to knock him upside the head with my shoe!"
I am not too bad. Seems H thinks that the lawyers have his income wrong after he agreed to everything!! Remember he is the one that went to the meeting that I couldn't attend where all of this was discussed. He had given them pay stubs and now he thinks it is wrong...just days before we would otherwise have to go to trial?? My heart can't take much more!!
On a happier note, are you joining us for movie night?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Just looking in on you , You have been through a couple of tough days huh ? I hope things are calming down for you , I wont post much as the others have posted some good stuff. Try not to buy into this blame stuff. Translated it means
I am not happy I dont know why I will blame you I cant be making myself unhapy I am still not happy I will blame you some more.
and so it goes. Its realy not worth the effort getting concerned too much about what he says. How you deal with it is the key.
I still struggle with feeling too much guilt and responsibility over my role in our marriage being lousy...(that was the main topic of my IC yesterday), but one thing good that has come out of H's last few R convos is that having to listen to him reiterate his same litany of pain and suffering over the past almost 20 years makes me realize how it's all about him. He never acknowledges the pain he's caused me or his role in all of this... He even frames his very real pain at the thought of not being with our boys all the time in terms of his own pain, not theirs (I suspect he just can't bring himself to think about their pain...whereas it has been one of my prime motivating factors to keep trying)
What i'm trying to say is that it has helped me to detach from being sucked into his world of pain...we can't do anything about the past (and I'm sure that you, like me, have made it clear that you are sorry for your role, and have asked for forgiveness); and both your H and mine have to take responsibility for their decisions.
Fell asleep for about an hour mid-post!! Then was awakened by H returning to our house at around 1am to his 'post' on the pullout. First time he's done that...(left for what I presumed was a night at his apt, even though i assumed he was likely going by OWs for an evening 'visit'...know it's her bday today...but then come back to sleep here) and i don't like it one bit. GOing to give it the 48-hour rule, and see if it happens again...
Melatonin is a helpful sleepaid and can be bought at grocery stores, pharmacies and supplement stores. The synthetic melatonin mimics the molecular make up of melatonin.
Leave him, leave her behind. Flush them from your thoughts. When you get upset at him/her.. send them blessings. It helps you heal, relieves your hurt, lets you move on.
When I first started doing that (and it seemed very foreign) I'd wish him helpful things, like a herd of camels. The simpler my blessing for him were, the better I felt. It's more for you, to help you heal.
Another technique is my mom's prayer, "Come Holy Spirit." which you repeat as many times as you need. I'd scoffed and avoided that one, but each time I've used it, I've felt better and able to handle difficult situations with calm.
Being offline is a good thing. Taking care of yourself is a good thing. Smiling, laughing, being grateful, allowing joy are all good things.
