It's counterproductive to dreg through the past, thinking... "What if..?", "When.."
This morning I had a lightbulb moment.
After severe health issues six and eight years into our marriage when my support and caring were instrumental in his healing, he pulled away, never wanting to acknowledge he needed me... that he'd been emotionally and mentally dependent on me. He shut me off.
When I'd ask him about it he'd deny it. When I would look for validation, he'd tell me I was all wrong.
He pulled away. It took me years to realize I was angry.
Before the bomb I brought it up.. how I'd felt him pull away, how I'd left work to care for our son and be there for him. He told me it was nothing like that and I was wrong. Every other time, whatever he said I believed. It was me, it was my fault.
I realize now that when my BS meter turns on, something's there.
I can't do anything about the past.
I can walk forward.. and listen within when something doesn't feel 'right'.
