I don't want a divorce or mediation. I want the OM to vanish and her to realize what goes around comes around, the connection we share, and how she could possibly be back. however this time, I will be the man she wanted me to be. looking for a "new marriage" with my wife. its all one sided as far as I know. I got the "i love you but i'm not in love with you" probably doesn't love me at all now.
You don't control what happens. You need to be the man you want to be because she may want you to be someone that isn't good for you. She does love you. How does it help you to believe that she doesn't.
Right now, she is your entire world. As long as that's the case, it can't get better, and I don't think that you can pretend that she isn't the only thing on your mind right now.
GAL. Change your hair style, buy some new clothes in a different style. Make some new friends. Do just about anything to take your mind off of her and your situation and realize that there is more to life than the current drama.
You fight for your marriage by pulling back and not chasing her and finding joy and fulfillment in life and letting her be part of life, not the entirety of life.
Buster, everyone is giving you the same basic advice. Embrace it and grow.
Ok Buster, I have one point from your other thread I will post here.
I would be exposing her affair to whatever church she goes to. Affairs thrive in secret and often die quickly when exposed to the light of day..some die more slowly.
If you can get someone from your church to meet with her privately and talk some sense into her do it.
Also. She is REALLY CONFUSED when she suggested your child won't be affected by your divorce...there is TONS of research on this topic PROVING THE OPPOSITE. Divorces torment children well into their adult life. Many seek therapy to attempt to resolve their issues with the divorce.
If you read divorce remedy by michele davis she makes a LOT of good points about how adversely divorce will impact children of any age.
Sorry but if she thinks your child won't be damaged by a divorce she's deluding herself. take her to a marriage counsellor nad have someone in authority talk some sense into her, she won't listen to you on it, but rest assured she's way off the mark there.
I dont know that I would focus on being her perfect H, instead focus on making yourself the best H that you can be, be the kind of spouse that ANYONE would be nuts to leave. Considerate, wise, compassionate, strong, committed. One of the first things that is talked about in the books is re-establishing your friendship. She wont remember your connection while she is connecting with someone else, and hes not going to vanish. Take this time to work on you, theres not much else you can do right now. And it might just make her see a side of you that she hasnt seen in a while. They had the books at my local library, I still bought them, but it was nice to have them immediately. I really think that you should get them.
Investing time and energy in improving yourself is always worth it.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
ok guys another downer..... facebook.com (most people know it) my wife is no longer listed as married as of yesterday....I had when I find things like this out....tears me up inside. every day it seems like she gets further and further away.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
buster, she's decided the marriage is over. For your own sanity you need to stop concentrating on that. The only real option open to you is to become the best person you can be for yourself.
Look, I know it's hard. Read my threads and you'll see that I'm still not through this sh*t. It's hard to accept. But if your W thought there was any possibility, she wouldn't be doing what she's doing. You aren't going to say or do anything that's suddenly going to change her mind.
You need to be yourself and pursue what you want out of life. If in doing that you attract her back, great. But don't count on it. Make the circumstances the best they can be for you, because at the end of the day that's all you got. No matter how much you want your M. It takes two. Right now you've got one.
people are telling me to fight for my marriage, and people are telling me to give up. I am taking care of myself; i know at the end of the day i'm all i have.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
I was trying to keep up with my H on facebook and myspace, until he changed his relationship status to "in a relationship" and started to add the OW's little girlie friends to his list. Its disgusting and pathetic, little bar flies practically half his age. I stay totally off there now, I know that nothing good will come of me looking. Take comfort though, she is, in fact, still married. And dont get bent out of shape over it, shes trying to prove something. All its really proving is that shes immature.
Stop trying to spy, influence, manipulate, guilt-trip, bargain, plead. What is happening is absolutely awful, but you have to remove the magnifying glass. Setting yourself up to keep tearing your wound open wont help you solve anything. Letting yourself regain your confidence, self-esteem will help you get ready to fight for your marriage, you cant fight for anything curled up sobbing.
Last edited by bluerain; 07/10/0806:52 AM.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
i have stopped bringing our relationship up around her. we are getting along. took her and the son out for pizza yesterday. talked more about getting her to call for her transcripts to get back to college.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
