I still struggle with feeling too much guilt and responsibility over my role in our marriage being lousy...(that was the main topic of my IC yesterday), but one thing good that has come out of H's last few R convos is that having to listen to him reiterate his same litany of pain and suffering over the past almost 20 years makes me realize how it's all about him. He never acknowledges the pain he's caused me or his role in all of this... He even frames his very real pain at the thought of not being with our boys all the time in terms of his own pain, not theirs (I suspect he just can't bring himself to think about their pain...whereas it has been one of my prime motivating factors to keep trying)
What i'm trying to say is that it has helped me to detach from being sucked into his world of pain...we can't do anything about the past (and I'm sure that you, like me, have made it clear that you are sorry for your role, and have asked for forgiveness); and both your H and mine have to take responsibility for their decisions.
