The outcome is bitter sweet at best. I am sooo confused. I expected him to respond saying the car will be parked out in front of the house, blah blah blah... and never physically see him... however...
He responded that me putting the car in the garage while I was okay was fine. (Blow away by that, I expected him to 'fight' for 'his baby'.) And then he did something else, he actually MET ME PHYSICALLY 'halfway' between the house and my parents. I was nervous, my stomach was so upset, I couldn't really eat much of my dinner before hand. My father didn't come home when I expected, and I needed to borrow money to fill the tank up, which was the 'agreement'. But, I called my ex, he actually answered the phone and spoke to me. We agreed that half a tank was fine, because the car had that too. So, we called it even.
I drove to the parking lot where we were to meet, and sat for 10 minutes, breathing. I was shaking so bad. I was nervous, I was excited, I just didn't know what to expect or think or what.
He finally drove up beside me, got out of the car and immediately, had this Mr. Tough Guy attitude plastered all over him. He looked good. I was a babbling idiot, I chatter when I'm nervous, but it wasn't about US or anything, just that I had bottles in the truck for SS and didn't get to vacuum out the car, blah blah blah...
He handed me the keys to the car, and I handed him the keys to the truck. We stood there, he couldn't make eye contact with me. He was fighting from smiling, chewing gum with his front teeth. He was visibly shaken up, in that I'm Mr. Tough Guy, you don't affect me, attitude. I could tell in his face and eyes that he's hurting, but the more I'm standing there, the more upset he was getting, because he's replaying that stupid anger loop.
I did a stupid thing, I just had this urge and in an instant, I just reached out and hugged him, told him I was sorry. He put his hand on my back, and almost hugged me back, but he stopped himself. He did put one hand on my back and started to rub it, but then stopped himself. We just sat there for what seemed like forever- only a few secs. He pulled away, and I pulled away, I just kept my head down, and kept myself together so I won't cry, and shook my head. Of course, he got instantly mad, but for a brief moment, he relaxed into it. I know deep down, he loves me, and he's hurting, but he's anger has consumed him.
Sadly though, I know my marriage is over. He's too stubborn to let go of his own selfish pride. The thing that bothers me most is that I remember how much I loved hugging him, it felt good to me, but it just made it worse for me now. I don't know what came over me to do that. I won't have done that before. Just something told me too.
I would have much rather he just parked the car in front of the house, because now I am a snobbery crying mess all over again.
