Dan, one of my H's complaints a year ago when he dropped the bomb was that we don't communicate. Now he says we still aren't talking because I leave as soon as he gets to the house. The reality is anytime I try to talk he gets angry and clams up. H says it is because I always attack him. GRR. I think he is just way on the defensive. To me it is just part of his controlling the sitch by not giving me info. It also part of his keeping secrets.
Hi red. Even though I know what's inside me, I've been pretty bad about hearing what she is trying to communicate. I was too defensive to hear anything for the better part of 16-17 years. The dope I take for ADD changed that. The skill of listening is still underdeveloped.
I'm not sure how much communication we get even now, even with the MC, even through e-mail. Usually, it takes quite some time for the idea to migrate through the thickness of my head until I can finally understand and since I've always had verbal diarrhea, I think that she discounts 3/4 of what I say as not really understanding and waits for the behavioral change.
I empathize with you about controlling the sitch and keeping secrets. I've been on both sides of that one.
The weather ended up clearing up. Ds and I went to our friends house to swim. Ds had fun swimming and I had fun talking with my friends.
After dinner we looked online at houses. I was thinking and talking with my friend. I decided if H wants to stay here then I may as well by a house in a nicer area for the Ds and me. Ds and I went driving to look at some I printed out. I thought a cluster home might be nice because of less yard work such. D15 didn't like the look of them. Back to the drawing board...she is also upset that we are looking for a place to move without Dad.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Cluster homes are where they all look alike and are sometimes attached to each other. They usually don't have much of a yard, but often have community areas. The place we looked has a pool and tennis courts. There is a association normally and you pay fees to have snow plowed, grass cut, stuff like that.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
Dan, I don't know if I'm sure this is the right time. However, there are somethings in favor of moving. The house we are in is in a suburb that has a lot of houses on the market, many of which are foreclosures. This house also needs alot of work before it could be sold. If H takes it over it is his problem, not mine. At this time we have a nice chunk of change in the bank. H has offered enough to make a sizeable downpayment. I would be able to get a house in a nicer area with a decent payment.
My oldest D isn't too happy about the thought of moving without her dad. She has pretty much figured out that means we will be getting a D. Of course we haven't told them yet because of whatever crazy reasons there are in this bizare twilight zone.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
Those are definitely good reasons to jump to a new place. Good hunting. If you don't find one you like, you could always buy one of these and become gypsies http://www.tumbleweedhouses.com/houses.htm
you now what? I am actually thrilled you sound like you are moving ahead. I am not saying shutting the door but after so long I think this is the only way, things can move to the right direction. Stay strong K
Thanks Kalni. All I can do now is look ahead, there is no looking back nowl. The door will be cracked open, it will just be on a different house.
Since things are so screwed up with our sitch and we can't even do a seperation right, we haven't told the Ds we are getting the big D. At first D15 was really excited yesterday about looking for a new house. Then she got bummed that we would be moving without H. Today she put it all together and figured out it meant we would be getting the big D. She had a big breakdown. D10 on the other hand said, I don't know what she expected. I said what do you mean. D said something like, well, when people have issues you don't normally expect them to work out. I think she had this figured out from the beginning.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
