2008 = Crazy Year (3)

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Lost,

You can always vent on here. Just don't do it to your wife, LOL.

I was serious what I said before -- we're here for you. Once I start following someone's sitch, I'm there throughout. You don't have to always follow my advice, but I will give you my advice and my support, based on my experience of having gone thru it at this exact time last summer.

No, you didn't sign up for this, but Pain has come to pay you a visit. You can either RUN from it, or you can steel yourself and deal with it with courage and grace.

My money's on you, and the latter.

Puppy

[lost_in_space]

Thanks Pup. Needed that.

Don't know why I was doing a little investigative work, but ended up finding blank D papers that wife picked up from L. Oh well, not unexpected.

Guess I will go and cut the lawn.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

They do a lot of fantasizing about divorce. It may or may not mean anything. Just focus on YOU right now, and on your kids.

[lost_in_space]

Talked to the out of town friends again. They thing W will proceed, but also think she doesn't have a clue on reality. Let's see how the financial disc goes. Apparently she is thinking her life will simply continue as is.

Looks like the second period of the game will start soon.


Movie time with the K's again...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Lost,

I am almost CERTAIN that her perception of her post-Lost financial reality is FAR from the true reality. And yeah, it will probably send her reeling.

Be prepared for it to be all your fault, btw.

Puppy

[Hope4us]

Lost, Sorry I haven't been around the last few days, but Pup is giving you some good advise. Let me add a few things from my sitch to maybe give you some props to continue the fight.

My W told me numerous times she wanted a divorce, wanted to separate, etc. Most of those times were after an exposure or a direct confrontation about OM. She even went so far as to send me some financial papers to fill out so she could take them to the lawyer. But each time when I countered with those things Puppy is saying, she changed her mind.

Case in point. She told me back in Feb (after I busted her once again trying to arrange a meet with OM) that "I want a divorce, it's what I want". That's when she sent me the financial papers. I told her "I can't stop you if you want to file for D, but I will countersue on the grounds of adultery, will tell the kids everything, will call you and OM to the witness stand to testify about your relationship and do everything in my power to get custody of the kids and not pay you alimony". And she never went any further.

A couple months later when I discovered her trying to arrange another meet with OM, I exposed to the kids. She wrote me a scathing letter blaming me for everything and telling me that "we're not friends because friends don't treat each other the way you've treated me the last couple months". I replied with a letter that basically laid it on the line. You can read back in one of my previous threads (around the end of Mar/beg of April time frame) for what I said in the letter, but I told her I would take no responsibility for her selfish actions, her choice to bring a 3rd person into our marriage, her decision to cause harm to our kids and family etc all for her own "fantasy" life with OM, and I would be meeting with a lawyer to file for divorce later that week (I did have an appt with a lawyer set up). That's when she caved and agreed to NC with OM. Didn't get the NC letter I wanted, but I was at the point where I didn't really care because if I find out she's talked to him or met him again I'm immediately filing for divorce. Once you get to that point, it allows you to do the things necessary to save your marriage. And like Pup says, a lot of it is contrary to what you think you should be doing.

It was pretty rough going for probably 2.5 months after that. And Puppy is right, you have to stay on message. You're fighting for what is RIGHT, can't stop her from doing what she wants to do, but you'll not make it easy on her. But lo and behold, we seem to be moving in the right direction. You can read the happenings of the last 3 weeks in my sitch, but I see real progress. Still a long, long way to go, but we seem to be headed in the right direction.

Just hang tough. The chit storm after exposure is tough to deal with. Just keep thinking to yourself that you're the one that has separated the addict from her drug (OM), and you're going to take the worst of it. But that's ok, because you KNOW where the anger is coming from. Just detach from it. Don't bring up any R talk. Let her clean up her own mess. It just takes time.

Can't promise it will end up the way you want, but this is the only way you have a chance.

Like Pup says, You're fighting the good fight. In the end, hopefully she'll thank you for what you've done, even though she can't see it right now.

[lost_in_space]

Puppy,
Thanks again. The financial disc will happen tonight. My L says no reason not to since all would have to be disclosed anyway. Maybe she will realize that with real estate values here, the chance of her keeping her nice house by buying me out is slim to none. We will see.

H4U, thanks. I have been following your sitch and things do look like they are headed in the right direction for you. Unfortunately we have a no-fault D system here, so the A has no bearing. But she will realize just how miserable I could be if we get that far. S13 and D16 will have a lot to say about who they would want to live with - as a child of that age, would you have been happy knowing your mom had an OM while married and lied to you about it. If things progress in a bad way, that WILL come out. The out-of-town friends even told WW that she could easily lose those two K's - why does she want to do this? Unfortunately D10 would be at the mercy of the court and as likely would ve the case, joint custody would be the best hope.

Anyway, I should not put the cart before the horse. The game is far from over.

Thanks to you both for keeping me focused.

[lost_in_space]

Re the financial disc tonight. Will need to get into disc about D a bit. WW wants to move some cash she received from her P's to an account that I do not have access to. This was the account where some $$ were used to buy vacation property.

My L has strongly recommended that I not agree to this. It is joint property and needs to stay that way. His suggestion is to mention to her that since she mentioned D, need to keep everything as is for now.

Another confrontation coming...

[lost_in_space]

HOLY CRAP!

I did the financial stuff and realized even I did not know what we had here. If she expects to keep the house, she will have to win a lottery to buy me out OR work 3 jobs. There is a HUGE eye opener here.

[lost_in_space]

H4U

took the time to revisit your old threads. WOW, it is like seeing myself to a large extent all over again. It is amazing that when I looked at Puppy's thread and then revisited yours, there are so many darn similarities.

Oh well, we will see what happens from here on in. WW does sound determined. However, I,like you H4U, will be telling folks this was not my decision and what the "straw that broke the camel's back" was. I am sure WW doesn't think I would do that, especially with our K's, but it WILL happen.

If nothing else, my K's are going to know that their dad did not give up on his family and was willing to try everything. May paint WW to be the bad guy, but I CANNOT NOR WILL I DEVIATE FROM THE TRUTH!!!!! Enough lying and B.S. for one year already!