I sat here for a while trying to answer your question and tick off those clues, which I hadn't done before. It turned into a pretty impressive list....man was I blind.
As I've brought up in NTE's thread, I think that the men some women (like my wife) are the most attracted to sexually are men who would be really bad for them in a long-term relationship. That is, the guys who have the level of masculine 'energy' and sexual ruthlessness necessary to really drive her wild are most often arrogant, selfish jerks outside of the bedroom. In looking for a husband, the trick for such women is to find a man who has enough 'bad boy' traits to turn them on sexually, but enough 'nice guy' traits to be a good husband, father, and provider. The results are mixed.
The wives of men who have too much of the 'bad boy' in them wind up on the OTHER forums here (not the SSM forum), while the husbands who have too much of the 'nice guy' in them wind up here, reading my long ad nauseam posts.
Having just finished Dr. Glover's book, I know that I have *some,* but not even a majority, of the 'Nice Guy' traits, but it was enough to spin my marriage into sexual starvation. Luckily, the masculine traits that attracted my wife to me in the first place are still there: I just have to (finally) unleash them into my relationship with her, rather than continuing to suppress them. Easier said than done, actually, but I'm getting there.
"My name is Bagheera, and I'm a recovering Nice Guy."
"Hi, Bagheera! Welcome to the support group!"
-- B.
P.S. I never mocked those guys, DQ, but I was always very puzzled. They didn't fit the paradigm that I had been taught. I figured it was just fantasy...not what she really wanted for herself.....yeah, I'm an idiot.
Last edited by Bagheera; 07/10/0812:55 AM.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
