I'm so glad you posted, and I'm just thrilled about you and F21. She is hands down one of the nicest, most compassionate women I've "met" on these boards.
About the forgiveness thing...what does not forgiving her give you? Does it give you more peace? Control? Or is it more like hanging on to old stuff that you have no power to change? Your W most likely sort of digs your anger...it means she has "control" over you, right? Either that or she just doesn't think about it much.
In any case, I think forgiveness and acceptance are different things. You can forgive your W and this OM (who, honestly, is a band aid with all of his own issues--lucky OM, lucky stxw, right?) but still not accept him into YOUR life.
I've forgiven my H, but I will NEVER accept LW into my life. That was non-negotiable when I set my boundaries back in March/April/May. And to be honest, your kids will figure it out someday...and they will remember your response.
So again, what are you giving up if you forgive your W? And what are you gaining?
So glad to see your face around these parts!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
