Lol. If she accepted that she had some part in it, then it would poke holes in how she is justifying her behavior. And the whole thing might just unravel at the seams.
It's easier to blame someone else than to examine yourself. Looking at your own actions takes conscious energy, time, thought, and can result in negative emotions. No one really wants to pick themselves apart. Some people avoid it more than others though.
It is kind of funny, but i get called the selfish one, who's being selfish now? She asked me a few weeks ago " did i ever embarass you? she answered her own questions with "no".. "did i ever get super drunk at a party" "no" .. geez it's funny because she really thinks she is perfect.. far from it.. i am starting to realize "things i think she wasn't good at" ..
i just keep it to myself, rather than taking her approach and playing the blame game..
How can she even be rational at this point? How can i be blamed for the whole thing? confused.. [/quote]
They blame us because they cannot blame themselves. Its part of self preservation. Everything was/is my fault in the destruction of my M. The key is not to fall prey to that. It takes two to make or break a marriage, and there are always three sides to every story, his/hers/and the real story. It is from the eye of the beholder.
(((Sawks)))
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Red, if you've seen my thread, I've been solely blamed for the breakdown of my marriage. Did I contribute to the breakdown? Absolutely. Did I do it alone? No way. My h CAN'T admit that he played any part in it. If he did that, he'd have to admit that some of this was his fault, and he's not willing to "come to Jesus" with that right now. It's easier to place the blame on me, look like a victim, and justify his decision with his friends and family.
THAT'S WHAT THEY DO. How can she be rational? Because in her mind, she's made you the bad guy and can justify any decsions that she makes.
Breathe. Take time to unwind. An extra yoga class tonight?
Yes i contributed to the breakdown for sure, but to hold me solely responsible is ridiculous.. it's irritating .. and she continues to try and explain how lousy i am/was to everyone.. it's all about the drama it seems. My W will not admit she had any part in any breakdown.. so i guess i just accept that i am 100% to blame? lol.. geez that's a blast.
I wonder when the house sells and we move, if it will hit her harder.. she blames me for her not being able to have kids.. (there was a tiny window)..
no yoga tonight, tonight i goto a counselling session for one of my BIG problems, class 6 of 8
How can she even be rational at this point? How can i be blamed for the whole thing? confused.. [/quote]
They blame us because they cannot blame themselves. Its part of self preservation. Everything was/is my fault in the destruction of my M. The key is not to fall prey to that. It takes two to make or break a marriage, and there are always three sides to every story, his/hers/and the real story. It is from the eye of the beholder.
(((Sawks))) [/quote]
Hi Lola,
and i am not falling prey.. she is totally expecting me to react to her email, and i am not even going to mention it once.. nope.. hard to fight me when i won't put up a fight
How on earth could you be blamed for her not being able to ever have kids? Please explain that.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
That's the best bet. It makes sense that when you can't say anything right anyway, just don't say anything, that way they can't use it against you later!!!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
so... i am home with dogs.. didn't hear w come in, and i was showering.. i come o0ut, go downstairs to grab a snack, and it happens... W breaks down crying.. we chatted for 1 1/2 hours about our M.. W says she is heartbroken, but is moving on, and what am i doing having a MLC? i am tanned, in shape, got a tattoo.. etc..
i mostly agreed on everything.. her big beef was me spending 390 on a coach here.. i worded my response wrongly saying" it's my money"..
she cried and cried.. but were done.. i haven't changed..
I went against some of what i thought i'd do.. i said i am working on my issues. and i have a few of them.
when she said i had been selfish, i agreed when she said i took advantage i agreed..
I can't believe i saw so much emotion..
i ruined her hopes and dreams ( having a family now, and so forth)..when i mentioned this is not where i envisioned us either, she said " not my problem"
i guess it made me think, yeah i do still love her.. geez
