Helping OW??

[fooled again]

BFM,

Do you remember when you posted this:

Now today, I'm thinking of telling him that I'm letting him go. I was thinking of the words I would use in the car at lunch and imagining a conversation with him and started bawling.

I think I want to tell him that I'm letting him go so that he can get his head on straight.

I want to tell him that he can't have it both ways and we both need to try to live without leaning on one another.

That I need to live my life as if he's not coming back because I really haven't done that yet.

That eventually he's going to have to choose one way or the other.

I want to tell him that I'm not doing it to try to force him to choose or to try to get him to come home, but that I need to remove myself from the situation for now because it's getting too hard for me.

I want him to know that I'm not closing a door on us, I'm merely taking a step back from the situation and that he knows where to find me if he wants to give us a go.

But I'm just not sure. I'm not sure if I'm ready to give up that connection and closeness with him that has happened in the last few weeks.

I'm not sure that I'm ready to face the possibility that he may choose her forever.

I don't want to push him to choose. That's not what I'm trying to do here, but I fear he may feel pushed.

I plan to pray about this for the next few days and look to HIM for my answers. I don't trust myself to make the right one for me right now.

This weekend was tough. It makes it hard for me to detach when we're both getting so close to each other and I think that would be healthiest for me

But I don't know if I can do it. It was easy to let him go when he didn't want to have much to do with me, but now when he's reaching out and trying to pull close it's very hard.

When I read this, it was as though you had reached into my head and taken out my thoughts. I was writing nearly the exact same words in an email to my non-DB coach last night:

Then I will say to him:

"I truly do understand that you are confused and that you still feel drawn to OW. I know that you have to figure out what you want and when I gave you my letter, I had intended for you to do that figuring out then. I should have left you alone then to think, but I was so happy that you wanted to come home that I got swept up in my own enthusiasm and assumed you were ready to do what I asked. That was a mistake.

So now I am going to leave you alone so that you can do what you have to do to figure out what you want, however long that may take, just as I said I would in my letter. I will wait for your decision for awhile, but not forever. When you have figured out what you want, you know how to reach me. In the meantime, if you feel like you want to talk, I want you to feel free to call me or come see me, but I will not expect anything from you and you don't have to feel obligated to contact me if you don't want to. There will be no more pressure from me, no questions, no snooping or spying.

I hope that you will really take the time to be alone to figure this one out, but I know that I can't expect or assume that you will. I know that I have to let you go. If you come back to me and are truly ready to rebuild our life together, I will be very, very happy. If you do not, I will be okay."

I haven't said this to H, but last night I was thinking of what words I would use to tell him I was letting him go. I was crying as I typed them.

I will be reading more of your early posts, I just happened to stumble on this one and it gave me goosebumps.

FA