Sorry I've been away for so long. Just figured I'd come back on and give a little update as to what is going in my life.
I want to start by saying how much I appreciate these boards and the people on here. I can't even imagine where my life would be without all of the help and support I received on here. Frankly…I very well could be dead. I have never in my life felt the pain that I felt two years ago when I had my life turned upside down and shaken out. But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger and all of you have played a role in my healing process. So THANK YOU!
Ok - so - let's see - I believe that the STBX has filed for Divorce. We finished up Mediation about couple of months ago, had the attorney review the agreement, made a few changes, I then signed everything and handed it off to her about a week or so ago. So she has everything she needs and she was SUPER eager to get it done...so I'm assuming it's filed by now. My understanding is that it will be about a month until we get in front of the judge and another 3 months after that before it is official...but it's just paper now anyway.
It still makes me tremendously sad to know that my marriage is coming to an end...especially for my children. They are doing extremely well considering all that is going on but I see the cracks in their little armor every once in a while and there is still a lot of pain in there. I'm just doing my best to create a better, stronger relationship with them and to let them know that I am here for them and that I love them. I think it is working since a couple of weeks ago I told my D7 that I was here if she wanted to talk and her response was "I know dad - you've told me like a million times". You can't say it too much in my opinion. I have to say, my R with my children is 10 times what it has ever, ever been. This sitch made me take a good long hard look at myself, my behavior and the way I treat others. And although it is too late for me to apply that knowledge to my M - it's not too late to apply it to my R with my children, my family, my friends and my GF (more on that to come ).
The STBX is still with OM as far as I can tell. She still refuses to admit that her affair played a role in the downfall of our M and still hasn't really apologized for all the hurt and pain she has caused me or the kids. Guess I'll probably never get that. So I'm trying my best to move on and heal without it. Not always easy. I'm torn at times on if I should be trying to forgive her and accept her R with OM. I know the whole "forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves" thing. But at the same time, it would be a huge gift to her and I'm not sure she deserves it. She has done nothing to earn it from me - that is for sure. It still makes me sick to think that this guy may play a role in my kid's lives at some point. She brought them to the fire station a while back and he put them on the trucks, etc. It turns my stomach because he sits there and plays the nice guy to them - but the truth is he ripped their lives apart - or at least played a role in that - and doesn't have to take ownership for it. It just seems so deceitful to them. They cry in my bed and all the time thinking he's the nice fun guy. And there are times when I want to tell them the truth....but then I think that's not fair to them. Blech. I just wish she'd find someone else.
Anyway - so that is what I'm still wrestling with I guess. That all said - she's doing much better as a mother. Yes, I still have my moments with her and what not - but she seems to be taking better care of them physically and she even seems to be there for them emotionally a bit. Better than when she screamed at my oldest boy last summer to shut up when he FINALLY opened up and started crying and begging us not to get a D. Ick. So...given some of the horror stories I hear...I really can't complain I guess.
As for me...I guess the biggest news is the wonderful woman I have in my life. Let's call her J. However, many of you on here know her better as Forever21. Yup..me and F21. Whoooodathunkit?!?!?! J and I started to talk a lot offline back in December. She lives in WA and I live in MA. Can't get much further apart without needing a passport. And the distance has certainly been trying at times but we have managed quite a few visits.
J is an absolutely amazing, caring, giving, strong, sexy, beautiful, independent and compassionate woman. I have always had a tremendous amount of respect for the way she handled her sitch and lived her life and I am blessed to have her in my life. I'm thrilled to be with someone who doesn't shy away at conflict, that I can be honest with (even when it hurts) and still be accepted with open arms.
She has yet to meet my children. I simply don't think they are ready for it and she has been extremely understanding about that - even staying with my friends (or on boats!) while I have my kids and she is visiting. She has even told me that if my STBX was to turn around (fat chance) that she would make me try -that my kids deserve that. Amazing to me that she is selfless enough to suffer for them but their own mother is not.
We're starting to make plans to have her move out here but she still has a lot on her plate at home so we're taking it day by day.
Lets see...other stuff...the job is going ok. For those who don't remember..I took a job as a director of sales for a boat club back in April. Could be making more money for sure and I'm not sure if it will last past the summer but for now I'm having fun and enjoying it - most the time anyway. I've sprained my ankle three times in the last four weeks. NOT FUN. Trying to stay off of it - but never easy with 3 kids. So I've barely been on my bike and I've put on too many pounds. I've come to realize that fishing is not good exercise. Oh well.
Guess that's really about it. Sorry for the long post but I had some lost time to make up for. If anyone actually read all that, I owe you a beer..but you have to come MA to get it. Hope everyone is staying strong and living life to its fullest. It is a gift after all and it is meant to be enjoyed.
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J and I started to talk a lot offline back in December. She lives in WA and I live in MA. Can't get much further apart without needing a passport. And the distance has certainly been trying at times but we have managed quite a few visits. 