So, I sent off a flirtatious text when I finished my DB session, but the problem was I received an e-mail from her while I was texting where she called for "emotional space" and wanted to keep all conversations focused on "business."
That sucks, but it's no big deal. She's been the one contacting you...let her keep doing that. She asks for "emotional space", but I'm betting she goes there anyway. It's a good sign....she's approaching an area she's a little scared of, going somewhere with this marriage again. Give it a week...she'll be back to wanting to know what the status of the marriage is. In the meantime, you continue on with life as usual (and enjoy it). You might even consider getting out of town for a few days of fun, if you can afford it.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
We've been doing a good job of getting closer and in conversation w/ my DB coach this morning, we figured out that she has been flirting w/ me and I need to soften my communications w/ her and try and run w/ it a bit. So, I sent off a flirtatious text when I finished my DB session, but the problem was I received an e-mail from her while I was texting where she called for "emotional space" and wanted to keep all conversations focused on "business."
Hello Rob
It sure seems to me that just as you were identifying the tell tale signs that she has been flirting with you that she too just came to realize that she has been doing that in a nearly subconcious way. So her plea for "emotional space", I think is just another way for her to slam on the brakes due to her surprise that she was gravitating towards you. She so does not trust her own instincts that she is terrified of what path her emotional self is beginning to take her down. It is a spy vs spy battle between her emotional self and her logical self. Let her spar it out with herself until maybe she strkes a healthy balance.
I hope you had a great day. I'll be praying for many blessings for you in the near term.
So you think its a good thing, huh? I was saddened at first, but today she's been talking to me again and it wasn't about "business" so I'm guessing you're spot on.
My C today was worried that I'd look to take W back w/out question and he said he was very, very relieved to hear me say there would be NO circumstance where she could come back w/out getting bloody herself and facing her issues. She's got a ton of work to do on her and w/ me if we are ever to even attempt to reconcile, but for now, I'm getting WAY ahead of myself here and I don't want to get carried away.
I will be going out of town at the end of the month and my dad is coming in next week to help me get the house into sale shape, so that will be enough to keep me plenty busy.
Speaking of the house, I signed the papers w/ the realtor today, so now I'm focusing on the next two days to see how much I can get accomplished off my "get house ready for market list" before I pick up D on Sunday.
I'm planning on letting her two halves duke it out and sit here and just be me. I've told her my end, so now it is completely up to her.
As I mentioned w/ Phoenixdeux, she didn't speak to me at all yesterday, but has talked non-business to me twice today, so maybe she's softening up all over again. Maybe she won't be able to stop "gravitating toward me" as you put it. Who knows?
All I know is I'm still going to be very guarded b/c I'm not doing this again.
Rob, I am glad you are back. I missed your wonderful posts. As far as your sitch is concerned, I am thrilled to be able to agree with Phoenix 1000% (Phoenix, I like the way you think!). He speaks my mind and heart. I would urge you to listen closely to what he says. Don't lose your focus (on you). Love K
RTL, definitely take care of yourself, buddy. No, you DO NOT want to hop on a new rollercoaster. You must be true to yourself first. Guarded seems right to me. Take care of yourself. The softening is so encouraging, but we all need to keep a long term perspective. Remember, there's a reason they call it a rollercoaster. It has ups AND downs. It took a looooooong time to get where you are. You will need yet more patience to emerge. Just take care of yourself.
Steady steady. I know you have it in you. You da man.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
I won't lose my focus - I can assure you of that. I'm encouraged by my W's reactions lately, but I can't get too far ahead. She'd still have to agree to couples' counseling as a minimum before I could begin to see a real possibility.
For now, I'l allow myself to be pleased, but not get carried away. The road to reconcillation is still very long and windy.
I'm so glad to hear from you again. Remember, there are football tickets to at least one game coming your way, so I'll e-mail you when they come in, ok? I'll be catching up on your sitch very soon. I'm glad you are back and I hope things are well or at least going semi-favorably for you.
Yes, I'm still very, very guarded. However, W is softening. Quite a bit, it seems. Phoenixdeax was so correct b/c she has been instigating conversations w/ me that haven't always been about "business."
Take today. I was w/ D and had told W that I may need to drop off D later b/c the tile guys were coming to do some repairs and clean the tile so we can have it looking good for sale. W sent a text and I told her the tile guys had just arrived and asked her if she wanted to come and pick up D at the house.
W hasn't been to the house since around Feb. 10th or so, and she's been hesitant to come by b/c she knows it will make her emotional, especially since she really misses our dogs.
Well, she came over, got emotional loving on the dogs and watched me finish painting D's fingers and toes before they left. I asked her if she wanted to get a few things while she was here and she went into D's room to get some books to take w/ her then we walked out to her car.
Well, I didn't have shoes on and I'm carrying D, so I'm moving quickly across the scorching midday Scottsdale pavement. We got to her car on the curb and I stood w/ D on the neighbor's grass. W got her sweatshirt out of the car and laid it on the ground for me to stand on so my feet wouldn't burn as I told D goodbye. Who said chivalry is dead?
Anyway, they left and she talked to me later when D called for me and we talked about a rash on D's butt and one of the dogs. She is more polite than usual and even said "thank you" in a tone that sounded like she meant it when we were on the phone.
So, are we there yet? Not by a long shot. In fact, I'm still thinking we'll probably get divorced and if we do get back together, we'd remarry. We'll sell the house and split up the assets. I'm pretty certain of that.
I will definitely be guarded and I'm planning on having us stay apart even if we are working on reconcilation. My therapist is concerned W may try and trap me by being sweet and acting as if she wants me back in an attempt to frame me for something that would get her full custody of D. I'm praying that isn't the case, but I'll be prepared for the worst until I'm proven otherwise by six to 12 months of consistent behavior on the part of my W. Then I'll be able to trust her again.
For now, I'll just keep taking care of me and moving my life forward. Who joins me will be revealed in time.
