WAW is full steam ahead

[LosingSunshine]

Neil,

I am actually meeting with someone in a few hours to better understand mediation in SD. I do know that it is not for separation but for D. Also, in SD, there is no separation prior to D rule, unless decided so by the judge and the D process can take at a minimum of 90 days after serving the decree to who knows how long depending upon motions, discovery etc...

If I had to choose, mediation is preferable to lawyers given how little financial gain for both of us there is after the equitable distribution of assets and liabilities. Furthermore, I believe even in mediation, we must follow state guidelines for cs, with there being the possibility of variance depending upon agreements.

Right now today, I have been feeling really down about the sitch, moreso than anytime since this began. I feel like I have no control and am trying to look after my best interests. I thought about going dark last night/this morning but with her still in the house, kids involved etc...would that be best? She wants to be able to talk to me, be civil about this etc...and I know based upon her reaction last night to my statement of me needing to stop caring for her as a W and to begin detaching, that going dark will drive her crazy!! Can it work if she stays true to her agreements to change how she's been acting the past few weeks and spend more time at home with kids and no friends at house. If she does, wouldn't it be in my best interest to show her that things can be different and communicate with her etc...? Or since she is still so numb to the idea of trying to make it work, do I completely detach, go dark except for the kids and begin to move on? Ugh!

Maybe I am missing something about the whole "dark" concept. Can you or anyone elaborate or offer advice on this?

I also brought up to her this am that the kids daycare will be having a picnic next week, of which she knew nothing about because I am the one that takes the kids and picks them up. I asked her if she would like to join me and the kids as it is really important that we keep some semblance of a family present for their sake. She didn't say yes or no and I guess it'll be a positive if she chooses to.

Last night during the convo I also asked her if there was an OP to which she replied no. I told her that some of her statements where indicative that there was, based upon xyz readings (trying not to sound accusatory just inquisitive) and said if there was, it would just add another dimension to everything. She wasn't defensive in her response but was rather adamant that there wasn't. Wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not but it fit in nicely with where the convo was so I did it.

Also, my lifeline in the sitch bailed, according to W. Ws mom want's no involvement with the sitch and Ws dad (parents are divorced due to abusive R and alcohol) wants none either but has forked over the $$$ for her retainer.

She is so bent on this and not willing to bend a bit and the kids are beginning to get a sense of what's going on, especially 4D. Argh!