My ultimate goal hasn't changed, I want to build a new, wonderful marital relationship with her. In order for that to happen I have to continue to work on me, specifically be stronger and more independent. I feel like I've probably tried too hard to make this happen and that's basically not working. In other words I MUST LET GO OF EVERYTHING.
I think I am now getting there especially with resolving my conflict of letting go and quitting. My head and heart are getting to the same place, I've done all I can, the ball is in her court. I need to just go be catfan, take care of catfan, focus on being an even better catfan. Doing that is letting go lovingly. If I were to file that's not letting go, that's quitting in a loving but defeated manner, not really attractive either.
Like I said, the ball is in her court and I need to also continue to work emotionally on myself so that I will be fine with whatever outcome happens. I have thought I am there but realize I probably am not as "there" as I think. So like a good boy scout, I've got to "be prepared" and it's time to get prepared.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa