Talked to the H of the friends that W went to see a couple weeks ago. He was not impressed with W at all re A nor with what she is doing. The support W said she had from them was all B.S.
Yep. "All cheaters lie," Lost. They will often claim to have support of friends and loved ones that turns out to be total b.s.
Keep being a great dad to your kids. Those family activities are exactly what you want to be doing.
Puppy, no problem there. Comes very effortless for me. I am sure W was impressed that D10, S13 and I were on the sofa bed watching the movie with D10 snuggled in lying on my shoulder. Oh well, guess my thoughts for her at that point are "sucks to be you dear".
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
One of the things you learn on this fogged-out rollercoaster ride is how much you have to STAY ON MESSAGE. It's like a political campaign -- you have to keep things short, simple, on-message, and repeat them often. No, you don't let outright lies go unchallenged, but you don't dwell on them, either.
Lots of similarities.
Anyway, I had to tell my wife two or three DOZEN times, things like "No, your affair is not the only issue we have. It is, however, our immediate OBSTACLE. End your affair, come back to the marriage, and I think you'll find me more than willing to discuss and work on any and all issues, including mine."
and
"I fully understand that there were problems that we had that led to these conditions. And I will take my full 50% responsibility for them. But I will not, and DO not, take any responsibility for your reckless and selfish decision to have an affair. End your affair, and we can work on ALL of our marital issues, together."
Then where do you go when this type of conversation doesn't phase them? When they say that, to them, things are not fixable? I have had these types of conversations with wife.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
One of the things you learn on this fogged-out rollercoaster ride is how much you have to STAY ON MESSAGE. It's like a political campaign -- you have to keep things short, simple, on-message, and repeat them often. No, you don't let outright lies go unchallenged, but you don't dwell on them, either.
Lots of similarities.
Anyway, I had to tell my wife two or three DOZEN times, things like "No, your affair is not the only issue we have. It is, however, our immediate OBSTACLE. End your affair, come back to the marriage, and I think you'll find me more than willing to discuss and work on any and all issues, including mine."
and
"I fully understand that there were problems that we had that led to these conditions. And I will take my full 50% responsibility for them. But I will not, and DO not, take any responsibility for your reckless and selfish decision to have an affair. End your affair, and we can work on ALL of our marital issues, together."
Then where do you go when this type of conversation doesn't phase them? When they say that, to them, things are not fixable? I have had these types of conversations with wife.
What do you mean, "where do you go"? You go GAL, and be the best parent you can be, and shine a light back to your marriage and your family. And then you rather, and you rinse, and you repeat.
How many times do you think Obama has given the same stump speeches?
The "being the best parent you can be" part seems a little counter intuitive in some ways - just ticks W off more when I am watching movie with kids, going shopping with them, bike rides, etc. BUT I suppose that makes it right. Not that I would do any different, but just a strange feeling about that.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
