Water, Im sorry to hear your frustrations! Is there something that will make you feel great about yourself?

Everytime I see my H I sob, sometimes I can control myself until he leaves, last time it was all about how I just wanted someone to hold me and make me feel safe. Its almost like I can watch myself doing the things that I know are wrong!

I signed up for motorcycle riding lessons, and... holey moley, leather makes me feel great, and its not only a 180, but it also serves as me GAL'ing. Totally out of character for me, can you take up an instrument, volunteer at the women's shelter, or get a snake, or a rat, learn to scuba dive, become a firefighter, start woodworking(power tools are a girls best friend!), learn to sing? Something totally new may take your mind off of how completely F'd life is, helping you Act As If, and give you something to look forward to! Who knows, maybe you will find your passion and not have to ACT as if.

As far as not sleeping goes, some may find it offensive and disrespectful, but I fall asleep most nights now praying. I dont know how you feel about it, but talking to God is pretty much all that can absolutely settle my mind. I can express my darkest doubts and fears during prayer. If you arent comfortable with that, try journaling, or writing letters, take them to the beach, or the back porch and burn them. Figure out how you can get it out without being damaging.

Last edited by bluerain; 07/09/08 10:09 AM.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...