problem is this - wife was happy with how I was and how things were, starting talking to an old flame, ended up kissing and having him sleep in our house after I moved (i was told if one of us moved it would improve our chances of making it)
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
i just want people to understand that my wife hasn't been happy for about a year. WAW basically. told me what was wrong, i didn't heed the warnings, now here we are. i screwed up by sleeping alot from being on 3rd shift, smoking a LOT of pot, and not listening to her when she said she wasn't happy. its crappy that I want to change now that its almost over (or completely over) but thats the way it works. you never know what you've got til it's gone
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
a lot of people on here claim that the answer is moving back into our home. I do not like getting a rise out of her. She knows I have never had trouble finding a mate, neither has she. Everyday I hear from her that it's over, I need to move on. i need to accept things how they're going. now if this marriage is doable, fixable, what have you, why is she telling me to move on, stop wallowing, while she is out talking and having a good time with OM ?
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
Look Buster, research it, 80% of marriages survive infidelity. Less than 20% of affairs end up in long term relationships, be it living together or being married. Commit yourself to being in that number, if thats what you want, and again, I will say, DO NOT tell her you are going to do something if you arent absolutely sure that you are going to do it, (moving back in, filing for D, taking the trash out, whatever).
I dont know what else to say, get some books, get a life (that may or may not include her), do what you can to help yourself, promise yourself that regardless of what happens between you and W, you will be okay. You have to be, for your child, theres no place to go but forward! Do not beat yourself up over the past, have your figured out how to unring a bell? You cant change it, what matters NOW is what you do with the lessons that your past has taught you.
This woman is in a troubled relationship and for whatever reason she cant seek help, Im sorry but that doesnt say too much for her, if she chooses to walk this road alone, you cannot change it, or make her choices for her, as painful as it might be, you have to either be okay with her being crazy for a while or not and move on. Deciding which road you will choose right now will help you a lot! Do not let her mistakes determine your actions! You have shown that you are a bigger man than that! Your child deserves a father that is absolutely grounded in his principles and will not be swayed by the actions of people around him.
Pray, get counseling, research, read, play music, write poetry, run, learn a new language, paint, restore a car, volunteer, collect rocks. Figure out how to feed your soul, it needs it now more than ever.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I don't want a divorce or mediation. I want the OM to vanish and her to realize what goes around comes around, the connection we share, and how she could possibly be back. however this time, I will be the man she wanted me to be. looking for a "new marriage" with my wife. its all one sided as far as I know. I got the "i love you but i'm not in love with you" probably doesn't love me at all now.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
I'm going to GAL, but i will fight for this marriage. I just need to know how to fight. was sending flowers a good idea ? should I just back off or will that show that i give up ?
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
Have you read either of Michele's books, "Divorce Busting" or "Divorce Remedy"?
They are NOTHING if not "how to fight" manuals. What you've tried so far looks to me like you haven't read them; I'd suggest you start with DR, and then come back on here and ask specific questions. You're pursuing and appeasing, and you're going to make it worse.
