Your H is selfish. He's in it for himself and can't imagine anything larger. As hard as that is to admit, it's the truth and we're all struggling with it.
DB techniques allow us the chance to regain our lives and self-dignity, and if that results in one of those instances when a spouse reconsiders, great! But that isn't common. The sooner we accept that, the better. We can't focus on change for them. We have to focus on ourselves.
