I guess I still struggle with "what could be" or "what might be". Not only for my sake, but my S8's as well. Why do I even bite on these scraps she throws? That's what they are to, fk'ing scraps. Even after 3 years of emotional disconnect I can't put this to rest.
13 years ago, she pursued me like a love struck teenager. She called me 3 or 4 times a day, sent me endless emails, left notes in the pockets of my coat and in the sun visor of my car. Surprised me with gifts. She showed up at my apartment door at all hours of the night just wanting to please me sexually. I gave in and fell in love against my better judgement. I had just divorced two years prior, was young, advancing in my career. I was happy and content. I already had a Son, I didn't desire anymore kids. There was no reason to marry anyone or fall in love.
I wish I could turn back the clock but take the wisdom I've acquired the hard way back with me.
This is my last night on night shift. I go on two weeks of vacation starting this morning when I get off, then back to day shift for 9 weeks. I need the break! I need the time with my 2 sons up at Lake Erie fishing. I need some time with my friends, I need some time alone without OW or the stbx on my mind.
I scheduled this vacation back in January. Turns out to be perfect timing. I need the time to think and reflect on where I've been and where I'm going.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
