I'm afraid to love him

[smartcookie]

Kelly Jo, thanks for replying. I think it helps too.

Sable, I always had a very strong resolve that I would not put my kids through a divorce. I have always given everything 150%. It used to irritate H that I would attack things so persistently, that whenever I do anything, it's almost to obsession. I guess I applied the same philosophy here. There were so many times that I wanted to quit. I just didn't.
I think the woman that loves your family is still there, somewhere. Just be patient. That was the hardest part for H. Patience.

Brian, you are such a sweetie. How did I get so lucky to have you among my friends ? hugs

Phoenix, thanks for your thoughts. I totally agree that my insecurities were running rampant. I knew while it was happening that it wasn't rational, I just needed to let it run it's course, & then today in the light of day, I could see more clearly what was happening. Plus having all the support here, is so great. He's flying tomorrow, perhaps I'll hand him the book as he's packing & see if he'd like to flip through it again for a refresher. We both read it years ago, but 'm sure with all his changes, it would be a completely new book for him.

Gypsy, It felt okay being in my home office again. Although, I started to log into one of my accounts, & paused. I couldn't bring myself to type the password. I moved to my laptop for that one. Still gun shy I guess.

Sara, thank you. I hope once he gets a job & a paycheck coming in again, we can plan to go.

Girlie, you're soooooooo wonderful & warm & sweet & uplifting all the time. How do you do it ? xoxoxox

Purple, don't you wish you had a big "kitty" as she calls him, to protect us, keep us safe, & get us safely back home when we get lost. Hugs. Have you seen the short clip on the front of the movie "Birds on a Wire", if you haven't watch it, it's hilarious, I laugh until I cry every time. (course maybe it's just me & my bizarre sick sense of humor, LOL)

Scott, I think I could be married to about 10 of the guys here. LOL When CBK was posting a lot, one night I looked down to make sure my H's laptop was there. I seriously thought H was in bed, posting as CBK. Freaky how much we all have in common sometimes.

Fb2, so I'm married to you too.

Ready, how very nice to see you, I'm so happy to hear you're GAL. Your advice & suggestions are poignant & right on. You have grown so much in the short time we've been here. I really wasn't so concerned about what he was doing or saying. I was more involved in trying to figure out why I was reacting so strongly to the events. I was trying to ask myself, why did I need to write it on a post it note. Why couldn't I speak ? Why did I need to figure out what I was feeling, before I could be comforted. I suppose it's a natural step in my path that I've been on. After today, H understands I was not angry at him, I wasn't disappointed in him, I was just trying to figure out these strange things called "feelings" & "emotions".

hugs to all who like them