Trouble DB'ng Again..How Do I Forget?

[water2moon]

Ok So yesterday I broke down again..Still have not seen the C..I spent the entire day wallowing in self pity.not attractive..I was ok in the AM but then before he left for work in the evening I lost it again..I started asking him questions and asked him how many times he slept with the OW in the 3 mos they were together..I just kept imagining him touching her and telling her that he loves her during and kept on crying..I was mean to my kids and told them I needed space..Then they started crying and told me I was a bad mother..He was a little understanding and it didn't turn into another big brawl but I could tell he was ticked..I am so tired of being the one who seems to have to do the work to fix the mess he created..how can he expect me to just forget?? I printed something out that I found on the web about how the betrayed person feels and asked him to read it..today is day 3, still has not bothered to read it..why should I be the only one who cares? that's how I feel..Some days I want him gone cause this is so hard..but then I wonder if his leaving will just make it hurt more..