Wife Filed And I Need Help With Busting ASAP

[Scott123]

I would rather stall and train her over the seemingly obvious
(at least to me) risk of letting her go right into this
other relationship.

I mean right now it;s a hidden relationship. She hides it from
everyone. Getting divorced finalized and moving on is basically
giving up in my eyes and she'll just get closer to this guy.

Damn, I just wish this OM was not in the picture. It makes it
so easy for her because she is getting what she wants. Like
I said, she is getting romanced, attention, no drama and gets
to have fun without any consequences.

I am pretty dark to her. I don't text her or call her and I
severely delay any response to her texts or calls unless it
is about the kids. The only time I really talked to her in
length recently was the other night that she started hoping
all over the place and attacking me.

She is being so stubborn and spiteful and just rude and crude
too. It's hard to not avoid an argument with her, because
she just does not want any part of a normal conversation it
seems. She has her mind so set on divorce. I mean she was
stressing this "I finally have enough courage to stand up for
myself and be happy, I can never be happy with you there has been
too much that has happened in the past"

She is stuck on the past and brings it up continually every
chance she gets. Although, like I said... recently, I have been
pretty dark on her. She did say that she loves me and always will
but it's not the same. I guess that is a common response from
what I've been reading.

Most of her friends are divorced or had bad relationships so
I can imagine that is playing into her too. She claims no one
is pushing her to divorce, she is doing it herself and it's
her time to be happy. She claimed she made a list of different
times and things in her life where I was not there for her. She
said something like 70% of the time I was not there for her,
which of course is just totally overblown. I don't know what
was on the list, but I'm sure it was pretty much all negative.

A lot of it too was miscommunication and not being able to read
her. For example: I have a really bad problem with death, its
from a childhood trauma that I don't want to get into, but I
have a really hard time going to a funeral. I'll have a panic
attack. She knows about the problem, has told me she understands
and even told me it was ok to stay home because she knows how
it affects me. But now she tells me she holds that against me??
WTF??? She said she cant deal with death either yet she went
and she said I should have been there for her. Geeze, if she
would have said "Babe, I really need you to come with me" I would
have somehow overcome it and gone, but when she tells me
specifically that it's ok not to... well. There's other
situation similar to that where shes said one thing and meant
the other. I'm not a mind reader, but i really wish I was because
if I would have known how she really felt I would have did things
differently. These are the kinds of things she hangs onto and
holds over my head. Lot's of resentment and anger.

I am definitely making sure I'm not being a doormat especially
with money. I mean even the other day I did not give her the
money that I went over there to give her in the first place.
This just gets her mad though. It's like I'm damned if I do and
damned if I don't.

I found out that she is only going to be working TWO DAYS at
the restaurant! So that is going to do jack for her in terms
of financing. She is going to have a really hard time if that's
all she is working. She will have about 1500 dollars soon from
a rebate, but that won't last either.

Hmmm, she was actually annoyed that I did not start on the kids
rooms yet. The other night I told her I would still take care
of things that need to be fixed in the house that are left
undone and get the kids rooms fixed. She said: "You didnt even
do anything yet and you told the girls you were going to this
week." I said: "I told them last week I would be starting
in a week or two"

So by that comment I guess she has no problem with me working
on the house. Which is my foot in the door so to speak. However,
my emotional state is really bad right now, I cannot be around her
or I know I'll breakdown and backslide.

As always... I'm open to suggestions.

- Scott