I finished your post now MPT and you said something that started me thinking. In theory, I can understand when you say that you can love your spouse and not want to have sex with them. I think my wife is probably the same way - I honestly believe that she loves me. But the problem is that I get to feeling that she doesn't love me, or that she's not "in love" with me, and even if I believe in my heart that she does love me, my emotions (or whatever) take over and I feel like she doesn't. Does that make any sense?
Anyway, I do believe that sex and love are at least somewhat related in a marriage. However, I very much like sex for the fun aspect of it as well. I've told my wife that I think sex is by far the most fun we can have as human beings. I guess I've stayed away from stressing that because if she thought that all of my whining was just becuase I was missing out on some fun, I think she'd see me as shallow and selfish. Am I going about this whole thing the wrong way. Should I simply say "I know that you love me - I don't need sex to know that, I just want to have some fun with you"? Obviously I'd phrase that a bit better, but you probably get my point.
By the way, I agree with you that there a lot of things more important than sex in a marriage. But when sex (and romance in general) is the only thing missing, and the lack of it is driving one of you into depression, I think it becomes a central issue - at least until it's resolved.
