"My inheritance paid for the pool...he wants to "bulldoze" the pool as it is growing black mold, and will need a new liner and new pump and filter in order to run properly. he lives on a farm, with a well, so water has to be hauled...he says he sick of maintaining the pool...i said, that must be frustrating, but i hated to see him "bulldoze" the pool"
Stop!
You need to understand that I can't be there all the time. I am going to help.. but you gotta leave me something to work with. You did good right up until you told him "something" may happen. He can't know it. It is our secret.
"am i angry...now? no, i was...now i'm just crying...i didn't even get angry on the phone, even when he said i could use the lessons learned from this R/M and apply them with another man...and i would find someone else to love..."
Pretty clear signal he is pointing the finger at you. He still has his stuff focused on you leaving. I expected as much. I would be.
"What did I explain....that i was not a mean angry monster bitch anymore, i did not want to go back to the same R/M, but I wanted something better, that I knew all too many times i put my selfish ways first..before our R/M, he said he knew i was sorry, but he was not willing to gamble a third time on me and risk me leaving again...i didn't know how to respond to that one...."
Told you.. you gotta think on your feet. If you can't.. shut the conversation down!! I gotta pee.. will work.
"he asked me if the grass was greener on the other side, i said no, just more to mow, he said i want what i can't have....i said no, i made vows for better or worse, he said our M, is just a piece of paper right now, married people talk and live together...neither of which we do...."
More of the same.. just.. crap.
"angry...he is still so angry....i need to get him to move from this angry stage....the strange thing is, he told one of our friends not to long ago, that i was ignoring him...and didn't know what was up with that."
So it was a test.. all this was a test. Did you change?
"i need to address the pool issue in a fair and balanced way...if we sell it, we will never get what it is worth...33 ft above ground, custom for our house...hate to let it go....would like to offer to help have it shut down for now, until we are at a place to deal with issues..."
Who owns it? He is living with the pool right? Or is this something we need to split up in the papers?
"s he really here...or multiple bad days just stacking up...the conversation started good...we were both laughing, and he initiated the phone call with a text to see if i was working...i think i blundered by stating, something about the R/M...he was not ready nor was i to deal with it"
Christa.. learn from what you just said. Everything I wrote.. you just agreed with. Don't second guess yourself. Shut it down.. don't make it worse. I told you.. don't answer the phone unless you are prepared.
"i think, possibly, he still feels as if he has the not good enough mentality...need to get him past that as well...."
Hmmm.. You think?
"what is the plan? where do we go from here?"
Well we stirred up some drama. I gotta think a sec.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
