So why did YOU move out if SHE wanted the D? I really don't get why some people are so accomodating. When my H filed, he was the one who moved out. There was no way I was going to leave my home or children!!! Also, you had a good excuse for being the one to stay in the house. You needed to work on it and get it ready to sell for the D. This way you could get more money for it and she'd have more as well (always make everything sound like you are doing this for their advantage.. even if you aren't!!! Just make it *sound* like it's in their favor...)
You asked in a previous post how going dark will help. I'll tell you how it will help...
It will help YOU detach. That's what you need to do. It may help avoid situations where she's trying to needle you into an angry state to help justify what she's doing. Every negative interaction only makes it easier for her to divorce you. Until you are CERTAIN you can be around her without getting angry or reacting... no matter what she says or does (even if it's wrong, crazy or mean), then you are best going dark.
As far as the D, my advice to you is to drag your feet as much as possible. That's what I did!!! Every time my H or atty called, or asked if I got some paperwork done, I'd just say, "Oh yeah, I only just got that in the mail.... I'm working on it... just waiting for such as such information... sheesh!!! I'm sorry but I've been too busy... getting my nails done, hanging out at Starbucks, who has time for this stuff!!!?
Actually, I did tell my atty I wanted to go as slow as possible on everything. And sometimes I'd just say to my H, "Hey relax sweetie, in 6 months this will all be over and we'll both be happily on our way! (Fat chance.... I was prepared to drag it out for years! ).
Regarding the money... I'd go with number 2. Let her handle her own financial affairs. She's a big girl. Also, only give the amount you are required to give and no more. Apologize, outline all your bills (and inflate them), and tell her you WISH you could help her futher. But rent, air conditioning, electricity, etc... it's expensive! Tell her it will all work out... and then leave ASAP.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
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