Wife Filed And I Need Help With Busting ASAP

[SDFoundGirl]

Please do not sign anything without having a lawyer look at the papers and your whole situation. You can continue to DB while still treating the divorce like a business transaction...which it is.

There is fair, and then there is guilt/fear/worry. Will she get mad if you don't just sign? Probably. It's not in her "plan" and you will now be standing in the way of what will "make her happy."

There is no room for emotion in legal matters. It's business, legally binding, and will affect you for the rest of your life. Also, if she is being abusive to your kids emotionally, then you need to consider what sort of custody arrangements you are comfortable with.

I am sorry your W is in a spin here. It occurred to me that she may be acting this way BECAUSE it's safe to do so. You said you've changed a lot lately and gotten your health issues taken care of, right? In the past, *she* had to make a stand for your M, and it wasn't safe to be the flake. My H was sort of the same way...I was the flake with panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and some anger issues. H always had to be the strong one. He finally reached a point where he couldn't do it any longer and became a really different man from the one I knew. The one I knew would *never* have considered having an affair. He comes from a broken home and knows that pain...and yet, there he was pursuing another woman.

I say don't rush anything. Take your time, cover yourself legally and financially, don't push your lawyer for quick appointments...essentially, stall. Because if your W is in the midst of depression and gambling addiction, it's going to take a little time away from you to crash and burn and realize that it's not making her any happier.

Yes, there's this other guy, but seriously...how long is any man going to want to be around someone who is looking at him to save her and make her happy? Do you remember what that felt like back when you were in the dating world? It's icky.

You sound calmer to me. Stop all the R talk with your W. Get some sort of legal financial agreement into place, and then just don't hurry your part of the D process. Honestly, the R talk just helps her dig her heels in further. She can't hear logic right now. She is in full on reactive mode, and you are the cause of all her misery in her opinion. If she starts up, a polite, "I'm sorry, but we have been over this. I know you are unhappy, and I'm sorry for that, but I am not willing to discuss this with you any longer."

Go dark except for your kids. They really need you right now.

SD