H had 3 year affair and I never knew!

[happycamper]

My family would've been beyond hurt had they knew a quarter of what stbx did to me, when I told them I didn't mention ow, it would've killed them, and also I didnt' want to spread any more hate and I'm sure it would've been hard for me to talk about her, though the main problem really is stbx and his emotional issues (depression, adhs, the ow was, and always has been, a band aid).

thanks cat, that is really helpful. It's how I feel about telling the parents. These are people in their 60s and 70s and we can make the transition for them so much easier. I also want to preserve H's relationships with my mum and dad if I can, my mum can be a bitter woman and it's not a side of her I like.

We think that at some point the children will know the truth (well, some of it), I don't want to continue the deception. But even then it is something I would hope we would do together.

I rang FIL to check that they were going to be in on sunday night, as we 'needed to see them'. That was it - he wanted to know. So I told him. Then MIL left message on H's phone and he had to call her to tell her. Not the way we planned it.

H phones me to say he had a really good conversation with his mum, she was really understanding and good about it. Inside I'm thinking, yeah, she was really understanding because she doesn't know what's gone on!!!! I felt really angry even though this is what we had planned to say and it had gone really well! Back to the old 'burying my stuff about the As in order to have a smooth ending of the R' again...