I tend to agree with Phoenix that now might be the time to take some kind of step to stimulate some movement in your situation.
Your wife seems to be in the throes of the OM high. She is getting something that feeds her need for excitement and FEELING, regardless of whether its real or not and regardless of what's been damaged in the process. Attempting to make inroads with her while she's on this high is simply not going to bear any good fruit.
You should be documenting information about her visitation and time spent with Abby, including details if you know of any first hand. Personally, I would be inclined to look in to a legal separation, if such a thing exists in California. My understanding is that the LS would allow you to set a temporary custody arrangement that would be binding and also allow you to take some steps to protect yourself financially from whatever she is doing.
Perhaps being served with papers for a legal separation would provide some time of kick to your wife's backside.
Have you talked with your MIL at all about the current living situation and how odd it is? I would think that she too would find living with a potential ex-SIL to be strange and something to be changed. By all means, if you can swing the finances I would consider getting the house to yourself.
I know this has been traumatic and devastating to you. Though I've not commented much recently, I have followed along with you. You've cycled a good bit through some extremes, but nothing more than we would expect given what you've had to deal with. Hopefully you've learned some things about what is good for you and what is not.
Right now your life revolves around you and Abby. Or at least it should. Your goals should be focused around stabilizing yourself, making YOUR life better in any way possible, and providing and nurturing your lovely daughter. Nothing else is worth your time investment right now. Let your wife flounder.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
