State of Mind

[BeingMe]

Hi Wii! Thanks for your thoughts. There have been times that I will go months without saying a word about how I am feeling, and just act 'as if'. And, truth be told, I am not unhappy in the general sense (in fact, I am very happy with myself, and my life outside the M) --- just, not so with how the M is not meeting my particular emotional and physical needs. I try and express this to my H, but he doesn't tell me how he is feeling, or what he thinks about it. So, I have no idea what is on his mind, or where he thinks this M is going, or how long he expects me to hang on, or if he is just waiting for D15 to finish school and then he's off, yadda yadda yadda. I wonder, sometimes very briefly, if OW is still in the picture, or if there is another one.

As you say, I cannot continue doing what is not working, so I have to change things in some way. And, I have done this many times. So many, in fact, I am just unsure what more I can do, except to accept the status quo, or end the M.

I have been doing a lot of GAL activities --- mostly with D15, and sometimes S21 and I go out and chat. Since it is summer, and I am not working at the moment, D15 and I have been down to visit H in Portland, and that was fun. Hoping to visit D28 in St. Louis in August. We go to movies a lot. I have tried meeting up with new friends as much as I can at this time of year. Will be involved in some fundraising activities for D15's school trip to Japan next year. Been trying to go to the gym as much as possible, and also preparing (or trying to prepare) for the fitness certification exam. I am also registered for BA classes starting in Sept, so will be uber-busy then. I do want to start going to dance classes (for the fitness aspect) in Sept, so that should be fun.

So, life is fun, and busy.