Then tonight, he seemed withdrawn. He talked to our D during a show we were watching. Didn't say much to me. Then at bedtime, he went up without kissing me first. He hasn't skipped kissing me in weeks & weeks.
I don't understand. Why does he pull back just when I need reassurance the most ?
I followed him up, I asked him "for the last several weeks, you've given me a nice warm kiss goodnight, but not tonight?", he said he thought I was coming right up, (even though I was flipping thru the DVR list). I asked "it seems like you talked a lot to D during the show, & not me?" He said I don't know, I thought everything was fine. He said, come to bed, & I'll hold you. I got in bed, but told him I was going to read for a few minutes, & see if I could figure out what was bothering me.
You are doing well smart cookie, but I'll point out a few things about the above. This is how YOU felt...like he was withdrawn, not talking during the show, and you realized he didn't kiss you (and yes, he may have been intending to kiss you goodnight upstairs). I understand you have insecurities, but they are YOUR insecurities. He can't understand what's in your head or what you need. So try not to hold it against him or let insecurities run rampant. I've learned from my own insecurities (ie feeling like she's withdrawn, etc) that it's oftentimes something that I have to fix myself. I can't always ask my wife to fix that for me, especially when she isn't doing anything differently and it's just me looking so hard at non-verbal cues.
That being said, I noticed in your conversation with your husband that he didn't do a great job of just hearing what you had to say and trying to understand it. He gave you rational reasons why you shouldn't feel the way you do rather than understanding that you do feel that way, from time to time. It's what all of us guys do. We want to fix you when something is broken. Although the book is corny, it may help for you both to read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. You might understand the withdrawal more and understand that he isn't trying to invalidate your feelings. He might understand what it is that you need. Just some thoughts.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
