Ian, by the way. We will not see on the religion aspect eye to eye. Well let me tell you something. There is only one true Church and it is Catholic. Now if you want to loose focus and go down that road, I will roll.
Phil, no religious talk for me thanks. I happen to be Jewish, I roll old testament style and it doesn't conflict with those of you who roll new testament. AmyC and I have had wonderful communication for a very long time because I respect all choices of religious beliefs. Bottom line we all do what we need to do in our hearts and we each find our strength in our own faith. I happen to love being Jewish other than the no Ham rule (I am a bacon freak and veggie bacon sucks)
Look Phil, I am going to tone down a bit here and tell you some things that I think about you. No advice ok, I completely understand overwhelmed.
I like you Phil, you are spirited and you are consistant. Many people do not have that ability.
I think you have stellar moments, usually when you open yourself up a bit and show the real feelings that you are having. It is hard to admit that you were crying, that this hurts, that you are unclear on the future and that scares you.
You come across to me as a man who truly loves his children. To me there is nothing more powerful for a man than the bond between him and his offspring. As strange as it sounds I thanked my W for leaving me at one point because of the relationship that I have forged with my children because of it. That is what keeps me coming back to you, I do see how much you love those kids and I love that about you.
I know you love your wife, I know you believe in your vows and have convistion to make them work. This is also another positive side for Phil. Your ability to want to honor and respect your word before God. Good on you and it will serve to help you stand when things are tough.
As far as the advice goes Phil, I am going to lay low for a bit and try and keep my posts limited to some more introspective stuff for you ok.
Understand that my approach with you is because I made a lot of mistakes and they are truly one's that I now regret. I will probably never know if my W would have come back or not. The good thing is, my faith tells me to have no regrets anymore and what God intends to be, will be. I read the book of Job and had very clear vision as to what Faith really is and tried to stick by that.
Hang in there Phil, I know it's hard, I know you are hurting, and I also know you will be ok.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Ian, I think your wrong about the seeing eye to eye on the religous aspect, because Jewish history is Catholic history. Trust me when I say this. When you read the old testament with the right lenses on, every page you see the Eucharist.
Now Ian, I for one think that was the be post you have ever written. I think you should print it out and put it next to your computer and read it everyday. Thanks for the help.
Jack, I think the communication problem you are experiencing with me is in your head. I think you comments are maybe too refined. You like to give short answers with deep meaning, but let me say something. If you can not explain it to the bum on the street then you are no expert.
Jack, folks here have validated you as an expert so you must accept the calling. I agree with the fish story. Don't ask for what to do. Do what works for you. I also think I have experienced that on this site. People trying to tell me what to do and then I say why it will not work. They get mad. Then I do try to implement it a little and it gets worse.
Listen to the words from my spouse. I love you, but I'm still leaving. I have been under your wing since I was 17 and I just need to swallow the big girl pill. I want to make it on my own.
So why am I fighting her. Should I make it easy for her. Things have calmed down. Really she isn't taking anything from the house. She comes to the house. She does her laundry there. She hasn't asked me for money. She has threatened to file for child support if I push things about her entering her home. There hasn't been any venom spewing. Whatever she does now I don't let it push my buttons. As much as it does cause me anxiety I don't let it show.
She is doing the children's laundry too. It is also helping her out that I can do some of her laundry for her. Fold the clothes etc... I know she has a lot on her plate. Trying to work a forty hour week on a tough schedule, juggling the kids. Not being able to be with her son because he chooses to be with me. She has a husband she believes was abusive and a drunkard. He has changed but she has told herself that it didn't matter if he did stop drinking.
Really I keep getting moments of deja vu.
She does try and communicate with me, and I go overboard and linger. I was clingy and needy. I try to express my unconditional love for her, but she can't see it. I push her further away. I'm giving her time and space.
I do not bother with her. I don't bug her. I don't try and call her. I wait for her to call or text me.
Yes I do expect a conversation when she calls but she isn't interested and it hurts. I have asked her not to shut me out of her life, but she continually does it. Swallowing the big girl pill is plenty different then shutting some one out of your life.
I'm still taking care of my wife and my family, but she isn't living at home. I try and keep the house like she left it. It is her home. She tried to detach last night by saying your house and I said our house.
She acted like b|tch to me last night, I didn't respond to it. She came back a half hour later and showed me some affection and sadness.
Are we healing in separation? Are we reconciling through seperation?
Really everyone, I am doing a lot better. I don't have that feeling of despair. I do not feel down. I don't have that ball in my stomach. I'm functioning again.
Yes at times I feel overwelmed. School, work, family...
It could be plenty worse, and I know other folks have it worse. Why everyone is so infatuated with my sitch is beyond me. Maybe it is because I am consistant. Maybe it is the fact that I really can't tolerate the wicked.
Sometimes I see people that are trying to help as being poison.
I still need to focus on goal #1. I would like my wife would initiate communication with me and tell me about her life, and she would be interested in knowing about my life.
Goal #2. I would like my wife would initiate spending time together even if it is for five minutes sitting on the porch, and not saying anything. I would prefer that the wife and our family go to Mass together.
Goal #3 I would like my wife to initiate more affection to me, perhaps show me that she is still interested in me.
Goal #4 I would like my wife to tell me that she believes in us and thinks we can make it and would like to work on the marriage and hold the family together. Even if she does need more time to process through the seperation.
Pick up kids from her parents. Daughter has a an All Star Game. It starts raining the time we are to go. I decide to call the wife to see if son can stay with her a ice cream shop because I don't know what is going on with the game and it would be easier to deal with one child. She doesn't want to do it, and she is done in 15 minutes anyway. She decides it is ok. So we hang up. Son says I don't want to be with mommy. I want to be with you. This is killing me so I call her back and tell her that he wants to go with us.
She says ok, I'll call you and I have to tell again how to get to the fields. She asks me to call her or text her if they are going to play.
It's almost 7:30 and my daughter is playing great she comes up to me and says when is mommy comming. I said I don't know honey because cell phone service is bad in this area. My wife shows up. I'm thinking this is great we will get to spend some time together in public and watch our daughter play. Well that isn't going to happen. A big storm is brewing and the clouds start coming in. Seriously I think she brought it with her. The clouds look tornadic. My wife starts getting scared. She doesn't like storms because her mother petrafied them when they were children.
Then they call the games on the on the fields. My wife is getting nervous and says come on son come to the car with me I don't want you to get caught in the storm.
Really nothing is happening yet it just looks bad.
Son tells her no. I'm going with daddy. I said honey my car is right there a 100 feet I'll drive you to your car. Then she starts acting like an idiot. Hurry up and get him in the car. I have to carry two chairs, a pop, candy, and you know everything we brought. Do you think she would just help me to my car. No... Then she keeps yelling at me to put son in the car. There was really nothing to worry about. There was no lighting just a lot of cloud activity. She keeps yelling son are you just going to daddy's and he says yes.
Afterward as everyone was departing the female coach came up to me and said was that your wife. I said well really I don't know what to call her. STBX. Seperated for two months now. She says well that makes sense because she was really sh|tty with you. I said thank you, because I'm walking around this planet thinking I'm the crazy one.
Then I get the ultimate slap in the face. When I get home there is a dirty laundry basket on the porch.
I call her and I'm calm with her. I said really were you going to call me and tell me you left your laundry. I said I don't mind doing it because you did mine for years while I was working. However I don't think you should have just left assuming that I was going to do it for you. She said well your daughter didn't want to come in. I said ok. Like I said I'm calm with you because there is nothing I want more then for us to get back together. I said everytime I feel like I'm getting through to you or can talk with you. Something happens. The other night the cell phone network went down. Then you and I were having a decent conversation and the power went out. Now tonight I felt like you and I could hang out a little and this big storm comes 5 minutes after you arrive. I just can't win. Then she says ok, well I'm next in line at Wendy's here, and she says good bye.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I just can't win.
(I am a bacon freak and veggie bacon sucks)