I have to agree with KenF. Your posts have a lot meaning to us DAM LBS. That is the part of this site I like, trying to understand what my W is going through. That and knowing that I am not alone in this and there a other people who are in unfortunate circumstances.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
how terrible to be afraid all the time. And you appear to be so needy and about wanting attention all the time too.
It seems that you have all the power now and if your H makes one false move, he's toast. I'll bet that no matter what,there will always be something that he does wrong. How awful that he has to be so hyper-vigilant.
I feel sorry for him.
I'm guessing this is how your H makes you feel ? If so, I'm very sorry that you're hurting.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I can also agree that your H is on your side. As scared as you can be I am sure that he is just as scared. To lose someone once is such an ordeal and not one you want to go through more then once. Sometimes I need a direct line approach with what my wife needs, because sometimes we are such dolts. Keep up the communication with him, I know he is there for you.
Thank you yenko, I believe he is on my side. I believe the fear I'm fighting is old fear. I believe it's not warranted in this relationship. I'm just trying to be open & honest with the fear & get it out of the closet that it's hidden in for my whole life so that it will stop lingering in my thoughts & affecting my present. I appreciate you posting to me.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Purple, you help me just by being here, offering support, encouragement & friendship.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Not trying to simplify things although sometimes simplyfying things could very well be the answer...
Cookie, it seems that for some of us, learning to feel happy is more difficult than it should be. And it has very little to do with what others do or don't for us. Holding on to past hurt and memories of hurt, guilt and resentment, is easier than opening our hearts to joy and happiness. Feeling content with what is in our plate seems unthinkable (spell check?).
To me it is clear you are moving ahead, slowly and surely. But I do believe that the pace is set by you and you alone. Your H in some sense is only a by stander. It's not fair, but that's the way it is. Remind yourself to feel grateful and open your heart to good things. K
When I woke this morning, I came to the kitchen & he was on the phone. I walked over to him, & leaned into him, running my fingers through his hair. He put his arm around me, & caressed me.
After he got off the phone, he came to the room I was in, we talked, hugged, we're both fine. Yesterday was a bad day for him work wise. This morning has been better for him.
He knows it was a trip wire from my past that I didn't see coming. Sometimes even though I know it's old emotions, I can't stop it from engulfing me....yet.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
you're spot on darling ! (in my best british accent).
I am grateful. He just came in to get some paper, I said "have I told you today that I love you?" He set his paper down, came over kissed me, & started to leave the room without his paper. lol I said "paper", he said "see what you do to me".
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
