Jack, folks here have validated you as an expert so you must accept the calling. I agree with the fish story. Don't ask for what to do. Do what works for you. I also think I have experienced that on this site. People trying to tell me what to do and then I say why it will not work. They get mad. Then I do try to implement it a little and it gets worse.
Listen to the words from my spouse. I love you, but I'm still leaving. I have been under your wing since I was 17 and I just need to swallow the big girl pill. I want to make it on my own.
So why am I fighting her. Should I make it easy for her. Things have calmed down. Really she isn't taking anything from the house. She comes to the house. She does her laundry there. She hasn't asked me for money. She has threatened to file for child support if I push things about her entering her home. There hasn't been any venom spewing. Whatever she does now I don't let it push my buttons. As much as it does cause me anxiety I don't let it show.
She is doing the children's laundry too. It is also helping her out that I can do some of her laundry for her. Fold the clothes etc... I know she has a lot on her plate. Trying to work a forty hour week on a tough schedule, juggling the kids. Not being able to be with her son because he chooses to be with me. She has a husband she believes was abusive and a drunkard. He has changed but she has told herself that it didn't matter if he did stop drinking.
Really I keep getting moments of deja vu.
She does try and communicate with me, and I go overboard and linger. I was clingy and needy. I try to express my unconditional love for her, but she can't see it. I push her further away. I'm giving her time and space.
I do not bother with her. I don't bug her. I don't try and call her. I wait for her to call or text me.
Yes I do expect a conversation when she calls but she isn't interested and it hurts. I have asked her not to shut me out of her life, but she continually does it. Swallowing the big girl pill is plenty different then shutting some one out of your life.
I'm still taking care of my wife and my family, but she isn't living at home. I try and keep the house like she left it. It is her home. She tried to detach last night by saying your house and I said our house.
She acted like b|tch to me last night, I didn't respond to it. She came back a half hour later and showed me some affection and sadness.
Are we healing in separation? Are we reconciling through seperation?
