sigh...

ladybug... you threw away everything I (and others) suggested to you.
you took no responsability for your OWN actions.
you once again, made it all about him, and what "he needs to change", when right now, it should be all about what you are willing to change.

Quote:

He wanted me to show him that I can change for 6 weeks before he will agree to counseling.


By your actions/words above, you have shown that he is completely justified in asking for this.
Anyone who is capable of having a good marriage, should be capable of doing this. Your refusal says, by your actions, that you are not a person interested in havinga good marriage, but rather, you want a good lackey for yourself. Only he has to do hard work on himself in your book, it would seem.


Quote:

(If I COULD change for 6 weeks we wouldn't NEED counseling!!)


This is a total cop-out.
It's not that you "can't" change.
You are unwilling to change yourself.


That is why he wants to divorce you. Because you are not willing to do equal work in your marriage, on your marriage. Even when faced with splitting up your family... you still refuse to change yourself for the better.

Quote:

But, he dismissed everything I thought he needed to work on, meaning that he is refusing to change. ...


No, that is NOT what that means. It means that you arent LISTENING to him, about what is important to him.
If someone tells you they need a glass of water, then if you care about them, you dont tell them, "no you need some cherry pie instead".


He has stated, CLEARLY, that he is willing to change. Just so long as you are, too.

And once again, you have stated/shown that you are unwilling to change yourself.

There's a huge amount of irony, that you are accusing him of being "not willing to change", when that label fits you far better than him.

Soapbox off.
I'm done posting to you for a while. Probably a very long while.
No point in writing to you further, when all you seem to be interested in, is how to get OTHER people to change, without you doing any work on yourself first.

My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D.
Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M.
3 wonderful sons caught in the middle