I don't text her. I don't initate contact. I do not call her. I do not bother her. I try and created boundries and they blow up in my face. Persue don't persue. I love you, don't say I love you. These are the DB ways.
At least before all of this I was getting some affection. Some discussion. Yes it was very hot and cold. I felt like you never loved me. So I turn it on. Then she said I needed to get better before she could be my friend. Nothing getting through... I need to get better. I need to get better. I'm not the one that left. I'm not putting my kids through torment. I'm not putting my family through financial difficulties. I'm not pushing away everyone good in my life.
Yet, I'm the ba$tard. I'm the baStard that ruined her life. You know maybe she needs to hook up with a ba$tard. Someone that gambles, drinks like a fish, and runs around with a bunch of woman. Someone that doesn't care about her one bit and really treats her like a pile of crap.
Time will tell. One day there will be a reckoning. The questiong is will I still be around. Will I have the strength to do it. My love for her has never faltered, but it is ok for her to suppress or throw away the love she has for me. FOR WHAT?
