For the Guy with kids and a WW 6

[hopeful4her]

Hey kat, I know. It always seems like coulda, woulda, shoulda.

I'm so happy to have found this place. I had been on another site that was christian based, but got no real advice. A lot of "Have you read Power of a Praying...." Good books, but not real life advice. Like here.

wdid and Puppy, you know I don't want her to leave. I keep hearing about no R talks, but I think talking in my sitch is actually not a bad thing. As long as I keep it under control. I do get some truth darts in. The one I really want to use is, "You might be ok with being a part time parent, but I'm not" or something like that.

Just talking in general will be good for us. I have nothing to lose.

AT, if she leaves, then things will be a little easier to deal with. Roomie and I are not in constant conflict. Things go pretty well with us. I just have to focus less on her and more on me, now. But I will still try to save my marriage. Whatever way I can.

Roomie emailed me during work yesterday. Just asking if I had heard from the girls. She had tried calling my parents house and got no answer. She said she will try the cell number. I emailed back that I would try also. She called me and we talked about picking up girls. She wanted to.

I was hoping she would not say anything to my parents about our relationship.

I don't recall if I said this, but before we watched the movie on Sunday, while sitting on the sofa together, she asked something about my parents. If they offered to feed me or said anything to me. I said that I didn't stick around and declined thier offer of supper. Letting her know that my parents and my relationship is strained because of her. I didn't SAY this, but she knows.

She says, "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"It's all my fault. The thing with your mom and dad."

After I got off work yesterday, I stopped to get a few things from grocery store and called her. No answer. Texted her to be careful in the rain. No reply.

At home, found out she still had her phone ringer off. She was super tired. Like she was high, I told her. She agreed. She told me she had taken her meds before bed Sunday night and then again in the morning. Maybe too soon. I told her to lay down. She did and fell asleep. She did not eat the lunch she had taken. I said, "You went out to eat?" She said yes. I make some quick dinner just for us, as my kids had just eaten with my folks.

D11 got in trouble for hitting her sister and I sent her to her room. She fell asleep. D6 and I stayed up watching a movie together. Roomie is up later and joins us. We are watching "Sleepover". Girlie movie for D6.

After movie, D6 tells us that my sister told her that she wanted to adopt her and live with her. "Momma, what is adopt mean?"
"She wants you to be her daughter" roomie explains. I see the look on her face. A little upset. Then D6 says out of the blue, "Momma, what happens if we all our family breaks up? And even us girls have to get broken away?"
I don't recall roomie responding. I motion for D6 to come sit on my lap. "You don't worry about that kind of stuff, baby girl. You just don't have to think about that stuff, ok?"

I look at roomie. She is wiping her eyes.

I get D to bed. Roomie and I to bed.

I get another sweet, "Goodnight."
Goodnight.

This morning, we are up getting ready. I ask if she heard from neurologist. She called and left him a message, but no reply. I ask if she wants to change doctors. "I will if he doesn't get back with me today."

We leave and give each other our "Have a good day". I take my time and she gets way ahead of me. She calls me.
"Where are you? Are you stranded or what?"
"No, just taking my time. I'm trying to save gas."
"Oh, I didn't see you behind me. I need to get gas when we get into town."
"Yeah, me too."
"Welll, ok."
"I'll see you at the gas station."
"ok."
At gas station putting gas, she asks how much I am putting in. I tell her and she says how much she is putting in.

Ok?

She emailed me at about 11:30 today:

"Hello





Just checked on the girls, they ate breakfast, and are watching Monsters
Inc., I told them they could have turkey sandwiches and some watermelon
and strawberries for lunch. How has your morning been? Mine has been
pretty quiet this morning, hopefully it will stay that way."

I responded:

"Hello to you.

My morning has been kind of busy with maintenance catch up and some new accounts. A business and a couple of merchant service set ups. Been good today. Trying to find a Home Equity loan to input and get approved.

Will go eat a little later. You?

Got another one for ya.

The pharmacist of a drug store walks in and finds a guy doubled over and looking like he is holding his breath, next to a wall. The pharmacist asks the clerk, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?”
The clerk says, “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative.”
The pharmacist says “You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”
The clerk says, “Yeah, but look at him. Now he’s AFRAID to cough!”

You gotta laugh at that one. And its a clean one.

Until the guy coughs

Going to initiate some talk tonight, if possible. Try not to have R talk, but it might lead there. I want to ask her what she is afraid of most at this point in her life. What scares her.

I feel like I have nothing to lose, anymore.