I call the girls everyday at 4:30 PM - Within the Monday / Friday week; I usally ask how they are doing; how was school; what activities they are interested in...small talk....Just to let them know I am here....
Yesterday I called, and spoke with girls, then after the girls asked if I wanted to speak with mommy, I said "Only if she wants to"....they handed the phone to their mom, and she asked "Are we going to talk tonight or was that tomorrow night", I replied "It was set for tomorrow night.....Just to be sure....Are you comfortable to talk about the relationship, and answer some questions....?. She replied "I am okay with it, its no problem". Then I said "Okay, thanks, have fun and goodnight", then just hung up.
According to her, I was a boring person. I understand what she meant....I did the same thing always - like a robot. I figured that since I do the same type of work at my job....repair computers, work on networks, all computer related....every step is the same. I would go home, and still be in work mode - autopilot at home. It would take me about 2hrs just to get out of work mode. This bothered her. When I got home, she wanted to talk.....I on the other hand, would hear her....but really I would just zone out. She caught me one time, when she asked me "Sweety, did you hear what I said....? - Of course I didn't, so I faked that I thought I had heard my cell phone ring, and that it could be my boss asking me about today's project. That of course made her upset.....didn't realize what I was doing then.....NOW I DO.
NOW, I work my normal hours - no more overtime.....only if necessary. I get home, and get ready for a 2hr run. I get back home, and study for my next computer certification, then I plan a fun weekend to have with the girls. On the weekend that I don't have them, I plan to do something with my friends, or something I enjoy....
Mainly focus on 180's for me.....I will say, that exW really helped open my eyes to various things about my life that I always wanted to do, but never got around to do because I never had the ambition I have today. She really pushed me to live again - Through the sacrifices, the suffering, I found myself again.....:)
I will be honest to say, that I miss her.....miss her very much...I miss her smile; her messy way of organizing things; her laid back point of view to things; her creative crafts that she made; her baking; her laugh; her sneezing; her smelly farts.....I just miss her.........Reality kickng me in the nuts and tells me that I must accept were I am in life......
